And. You. Aren’t. Fucking. Here.
I have the perfect dress, and I think he might kiss me, and all I can think of is that you’ll never know Dagr. You’ll never grill him over drinks or threaten to ruin his career, or…or tell him he better not hurt me. That he better love me above all others, and I know that’s ludicrous when we are ONLY friends.
But I think it. I want it.
I want you to still be here.
B
O’Faolain Building
4thFloor
Dublin Departure for London Day
Bébhinn was SWEATING. Buckets. She needed to grab a taxi in the next hour to make it to the private airport if she didn’t want to be late for the flight Dagr had set up. She’d just finished sending a message to The Ramblers, only remembering minutes ago that she’d never sent one to let them know she wouldn’t be going on the hiking trip that weekend.
She cringed at the bad manners. In her defense, the London trip had taken over most of her thinking power.
She wasn’t worried about canceling, even late, because the group had decided to make it into a family affair. Those who had spouses or children could bring them along. The hiking spot was only a three-hour drive from Dublin.
She’d been looking forward to cooking hot dogs and marshmallows over a fire with the kids, but not enough to say no to London.
Now here she was, reading messages from the group as they came through in one hand and struggling with her luggage in the other. Sheshouldhave been feeling exhilaration at embarking on what might be the start of…something as she was walking through the door of her mother’s flat, and yet…
Lying, it turned out, was for the birds. She could misdirect her brothers, but her mother? No.
Her mom was in the kitchen feeding her sourdough starter. She and her sisters all kept the starter in their refrigerators. Her dad and brothers loved it. Her mom rarely ate the stuff, but Bébhinn guessed old habits died hard—like spouses.
“Hey, Mom,” she called out as she let herself in.
“Sweetheart! I didn’t know you were coming by. I was just thinking about you. I have a new client I’d like to bring you in on as a full partner. Mrs. Dennys wants a complete upper story redesign, and it includes a child’s playroom, which I know you love to design.”
Bébhinn couldn’t help but clap her hands in glee. “I can’t wait! The colors, the story, the books, toys, and board games—consider me hired.”
Her mom grinned at her enthusiasm before saying, “I have lunch plans with Saoirse Kennedy, but I would gladly cancel if you wanted to grab a bite together. River’s favorite potter has a new toad and frog design that I’ve been dying to see.”
“I can’t actually, but please don’t go without me. That design sounds perfect for your new clients.” Bébhinn winced when she saw her mother’s smile fall.
“I came here to talk to you about something. Important,” she added. Her mom’s attention was immediately focused.
“I’ll wait for you for the potters. What is it? I’ve felt like you’ve been distant lately. I’m embarrassed to admit that I worried you were outgrowing your old mother.”
Her mom tried to use a teasing tone, but there weren’t enough months since her father’s passing for too much levity.
“I’ll never outgrow needing my mom. Don’t even speak it.”
She smiled at the reassurance, wiping her floury hands on a kitchen towel and walking around the counter to join Bébhinn at the bar. “What is it?”
“I’m going to ask you for something I’ve never asked for before.”
With only a slight flair of her eyes, Rowan O’Faolain said, “Ask. Anything.”
“I need you not to tell anyone what I’m about to tell you. Even your sisters.”
Her mom’s eyes widened further at that, but she nodded affirmation. “Unless it’s to do with your safety, I promise to keep this conversation to myself.”
No going back now. “I’m flying to London in an hour to meet Dagr Griffiths. He’s taking me to a charity gala to raise money for nature reserves across Europe. I’m staying with him tonightand coming home tomorrow.” Her mom resembled a deer in headlights, so she quickly added, “We are only friends.”
