It all feels off, as if the wrong Jackie has come back from the trip. She’s never been like this with Claire, not even that strange night at her moon landing party. After so much time apart all Claire wants to do is spend the rest of the day soaking her in, but Jackie seems to want the opposite.
“I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” Jackie says.
The words reverberate through Claire, hurting more and more with every echo as she realizes their meaning. Jackie could have slapped her in the face with all her strength and it would sting less.
Claire takes a step back, her hand going to her pearls. Jackie’s words land in her and take root.
“If this is a joke, it’s not very funny,” Claire says. She probably sounds wounded and petty, but she doesn’t see a reason to mask how Jackie is making her feel. Those roots are pushing through her lungs, hindering her breathing. “Have I done something wrong?”
The shadow on Jackie’s face gets darker. She looks as beautiful as ever, and Claire drinks in her features like she’s been stuck in the Nevada desert for a week rather than in her own home. Her skin is paler than usual, as if she hasn’t left the house much either, but it makes everything that much starker—her sharp jawline, her expressive brows, her soft lips, the tiny scar on her chin. From being playfully dragged over a heating vent by her brother as a child, Jackie once told her. Each feature perfectly fitted to make a wonderful whole.
“No. You haven’t done anything wrong. But I have,” Jackie says heavily.
“What do you mean?”
“I shouldn’t have done this. Any of this. Moving here, getting close to you, trying to get away from what my life was before,pushing you to—” Jackie stops. Her jaw clenches so hard that Claire worries for her teeth. “I need to stop, before I ruin another life.”
“You haven’t ruined anything,” Claire says. She’s having trouble following Jackie’s argument—pushing Claire? If anything, she’s been the first person to truly support Claire. She can’t really regret their friendship, can she?
“I’ve fucked up your marriage,” Jackie says.
Claire tries not to flinch at the strong language.
“I’ve encouraged you to lie, and sneak, and cross-dress,” Jackie continues heatedly. “What do you call that, if not ruining a life?”
“Cross-dress?” Claire says, but Jackie is still talking.
“Please, don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” Jackie unlocks the door and opens it, shoving her suitcase inside. “It’s for the best.”
“I’m getting quite tired of being told what is or is not for the best,” Claire says fiercely.
Jackie’s eyes flicker up to her, going wide before darting down again.
Claire isn’t usually so direct, but she’s feeling more desperate by the minute.
“Pete is right. I’m a bad influence on you,” Jackie says. It’s toneless, like she’s been rehearsing it in her head but her heart isn’t quite in it. “I won’t drag you down with me. It’s best if we just…” Jackie swallows hard.
Claire can see tears swimming in her eyes. She’s never seen Jackie cry before. Not once.
“If we what?”
“If we go our separate ways.”
“Since when do you listen to my husband?” Claire says. Her anger is deflating, faced with Jackie’s tears. Her voice is quaverynow with the effort of holding back her own. “Did he tell you to say this?”
“No.”
“Is this because of what happened in the pool?” Claire says, desperate now and not bothering to hide it. “That was—it was nothing, we don’t even have to talk about it. We were just having fun. Please, Jackie, don’t do this. Please.”
The tears slip free, tracking down Jackie’s cheeks as she squeezes her eyes shut. She looks pained. But she still turns on her heel, stepping through the doorway and moving the door quickly so that Claire can’t follow.
“You have a life to live, Claire,” Jackie says. She directs it towards the wall. “A good life. Go live it, okay?”
The door shuts in Claire’s face.
She stands on the stoop for a long while, blinking the rain out of her eyes. She grips her pearls, twisting and squeezing, but it doesn’t help. The heavy, tangled knot that formed when Jackie left a week ago has grown, swelling and eclipsing everything else.
How could Jackie do this? Just drop Claire like their friendship didn’t matter? Insist on not seeing her again for no reason at all? Whatever perceived wrong Jackie thinks she’s committed, Claire wouldn’t care. Shewouldn’t. And if it’s really about what Claire did in the pool, she can make up for that. She’ll do anything. Perhaps if she knocks on the door, if she begs Jackie to come out—
