Claire twitches again as the word spills out so carelessly. “Yes.”
“Not as such. I knew she was odd, but I never would have thought she and Susan…” Martha trails off, clearing her throat as they reach Claire’s driveway.
Claire can’t bring herself to accept Martha’s invitation to chat. She needs time alone more than anything. Time to think, to reconcile what she’s just heard. To re-align herself in this new world, where Jackie and Susan Wilson—where they—
Claire’s head feels like it’s about to split open as she closes the front door behind herself and sinks to the floor with her backpressed against the sturdy wood, but no amount of Anacin Pain Reliever will ease it.
Chapter 20
The following days can only be described as one great prolonged crisis.
The numbness is gone, replaced now with something much worse. Claire can’t stop thinking about Jackie and Susan. They stick in her mind like a stain, like those stubborn droplets that spilled on her dress in Jackie’s darkroom. She’s scrubbed them three times over, and they still persist.
The way Susan had giggled, and touched Jackie’s arm with such familiarity. The flushed, gratified look of them when they spilled out of that bathroom. How had Claire not seen it? How had she been so blind? She tries to picture what it might be like, whatever they did to each other in there that left Susan so giggly, but her experience of intimacy is limited to being bedded by her husband. His rough hands, his scratchy kisses. Try as she might, she can’t imagine Jackie in that scenario.
Jackie must be different. She mustknowthings. She’d be talented, Claire is sure. Soft. Confident, like the characters in the romance novels that Louise sometime tries to suggest for book club.
The thought exhilarates Claire as much as it makes her head spin. It brings to mind the dreams, which Claire is still having regularly. It’s impossible to deny now that the way Jackie touches her in them is how she should want to be touched by Pete.
Pete’s touch doesn’t even light a spark. She’s never looked at any other men with much desire, either. Yet when Jackie so much as puts a hand on Claire’s wrist?
Fireworks.
Cycling through these thoughts without anyone to share them with is excruciating. What would anyone else in her life think if they knew? She saw firsthand what the neighborhood ladies think. Claire can’t even begin to imagine what Pete’s reaction would be to the newest piece of chatter.
In a whirlwind, Claire digs up the scrap of paper with Theo’s phone number on it.
“Ronny, I’ve told you a hundred times,” Theo’s voice says on the second ring. “You can beg as much as you’d like, but this station iscloseduntil you shape up. I won’t play second fiddle.”
“Theo?” Claire says, after a pause.
“…who is this?”
“It’s Claire Davis.”
Theo makes a little noise that reminds Claire of a chatty feline. “How on God’s green earth did you get my number?”
“It was on Jackie’s refrigerator,” Claire says in a rush. “I was wondering if you could talk for a moment? Please?”
“Talk?” Theo says. He pauses. “What about? From my understanding, you and Jacks aren’t speaking anymore.”
If Theo’s words were daggers, they’d be buried in Claire’s gut right now. She grits her teeth, willing herself not to choke up. “I know that. But I hoped that maybe you…I realize that you’re Jackie’s friend, and not mine. But you know things.”
“Iknowthings. How cryptic,” Theo drawls. “But unlike dear Jackie, I have a stacked social calendar. Clock’s ticking. To what do I owe the unexpected call, Mrs.Davis?”
Claire could swear that he’s put an emphasis on theMrs, but it’s hard to tell over the phone line.
“Right. Okay. Well, um. You’re a…” Claire takes a deep breath. It’s somewhat steadying, but she still feels shaky. “Theo. You’re…”
“Out with it, Suzy Homemaker,” Theo says.
“You’re a homosexual,” Claire blurts. “Correct?”
Theo laughs a little. “Hm. Interesting way to start a conversation. I think I’ve made that quite clear.”
Claire breathes out all at once. It leaves her light-headed. “Yes. So, my question is,” she says, drumming her fingers on the table, “I suppose, how you…knew. That you were…like that.”
“I hit puberty and wanted to fuck men,” Theo says simply. “Is that all you wanted to know?”
