I took her empty seat on the other end of our group, right between Griselda and Emmylou.They were talking about their gardens, and I nodded along as if I actually understood the difference between an amaryllis and an aster.My mind kept going back to the biker who had practically undressed me with his eyes.Was he still staring?Or had he found another target, someone more likely to go home with him?
I didn’t want to think about why my stomach tightened with discomfort at the idea that he would succeed with another woman.
As I sipped my second beer of the night, I noticed the way Sammy kept rubbing her baby bump.I hated the flare of envy that burned in my chest.I had longed to be a mother for more than a decade.I had wasted the best years of my fertility on a husband who gave me nothing but empty promises, chlamydia and a therapy bill that rivaled my student loans.
Four and a half years since I had left him and I still hadn’t managed to find a real partner, a man who wanted to build a life with me and have kids.I wasn’t sure how much longer I could wait for him to show up.At this point, I was seriously considering donor sperm.I had even contacted a few clinics in the area just to learn about my options.I had a stack of glossy pamphlets at home tempting the hell out of me.
My 37thbirthday would be here before I knew it.One more year of wasting my precious egg supply.One more year without turning my guest room into a nursery.One more year of sadness and yearning.
“You okay?”Grizzy asked with concern.“You’ve been quiet tonight.”
“It’s been a long day.”I picked at the label on my beer.“I woke up this morning to find my little library knocked over again and all the books stolen.”
“Again?”Emmy gasped.“Do you think it’s the asshole neighbor across the street?The one with the whackadoo wife who came to the school board meeting?”
I cringed at the memory of Wilma accusing me of grooming kids because I insisted on keeping a heavily curated collection of queer friendly books on our shelves.She belonged to one of those so-called liberty groups that harassed teachers and librarians.
“Ugh.”Grizzy made a face.“Whackjob Wilma.”She rolled her eyes.“That woman is such a heartless menace.I’m still pissed at her for that stupid shit she started that made the principal pull our international food festival.Made me miss out on latkes and ma’amoul!”
“I can’t prove it was them.”I took another drink of my beer and shrugged.“Even if I could, there’s nothing I can do to stop them from doing it again.”
“Put up a camera!And get one of those motion-activated sprinklers?”Emmy suggested.
“Or let me lend you one of my airsoft guns,” Grizzy muttered.“A couple of pellets aimed at Wilma’snalgaswill solve that problem.”
I laughed at the image of Wilma yelping and running off with a sore, red ass.“I think that’s probably assault.”
Grizzy waved her hand.“Castle Doctrine.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Emmy said with a frown.“In fact, I’m like positive that’s not how it works.”
As they argued about the finer points of Castle Doctrine, I thought about the other reason I was feeling so glum this evening.Across the table, Nataly met my eye.She looked regretful, and I made a mental note to talk to her later.It wasn’t her fault I was in this funk.She hadn’t meant anything by it when she’d mentioned that Cade and his new wife had announced their second pregnancy.It was complicated for her because Amy, the new wife, had a sister who had played basketball with Nataly at UW.
I didn’t want to think about what Wife Number Two had that I didn’t.Why had he been so quick to have kids with her but refused with me?I had my suspicions, but even thinking about them made me sick to my stomach.
Somewhere behind us, two men started to get loud.I turned in my seat and saw them squaring up next to the pool table.A third man intervened, making a joke that seemed to soothe the angry nerves.Their game resumed, but it made our tables a little nervous.
“Maybe we should head out?”Amanda asked from her spot next to Emmy.“It’s getting late, and my boys have golf in the morning.”
Even though it was summer break, most of us had busy mornings planned.One by one, we agreed it was time to leave.
“Let me settle the tab and hit the bathroom before we go.”I drank the last ounce of my beer.I always enjoyed treating the book club, especially since it was technically on my ex-husband's dime.He might have used me to support him through medical school and his residency, but I made sure to use him right back by getting every penny he owed me for the pain and suffering of being married to him.
“Watch out for the bathroom,” Daisy warned as she gathered up her purse.“It’s a disaster zone.”
“Duly noted,” I muttered, not looking forward to it.
On my way to the bar, I noticed the group at the pool table getting rowdy again.I quickly paid the tab, added a fat tip, and then headed for the bathroom.As luck would have it, the stranger with the green eyes had moved to the doorway near the hall I needed to access.He leaned against the wall, powerful arms crossed in front of his chest, his dangerous tattoos on display.
He laughed at something his equally as intimidating friend said, and I hated how my body reacted to the sight of his grin.He had no business looking that handsome.Like, seriously, the fucking nerve of him.
The bathroom was nearly as bad as I had imagined.I held my breath and then tried to breathe as shallow as possible while quickly using the toilet.I hovered over the seat, terrified to touch the cracked plastic, and silently thanked the heavens there was actually toilet paper on the roll.I almost skipped the grimy sink, but my years of handwashing indoctrination wouldn’t let me.I couldn’t exactly tell my students to scrub their fins if I didn’t do the same.
The soap dispenser had a thick ring of dried, crusted soap sticking to it.My stomach churned, and I made the best of it, washing quickly in the scalding hot water.There was a stack of paper towels on the edge of the sink.I grabbed a few, dried off, tossed them in the overflowing trash can and got the hell out of there.
I emerged from the bathroom hallway to the sound of a surprisingly good cover of La Grange.I’d grown up playing around in my dad’s shop on the weekends, handing him sockets and playing on stacks of old tires to a constant soundtrack of ZZ Top.The nostalgic side of me wanted to stick around and listen, maybe see if the band would hit their stride.
But I had kept my friends waiting long enough.We had come together in four different cars with four of us volunteering as designated drivers for the others.I had ridden over with Nataly but intended to ride back with Becky who lived close to me.
