But then I see him.
Leander’s chest heaves under mine, his face pale, lips swollen from my kiss. His eyes are wide, wet at the corners, like saying that aloud has broken something inside him.
And just like that, my rage redirects. Not at him. Never at him. At the man who did this. At the ghosts that still haunt him.
I force my hand to soften, to touch instead of restrain. I cup his face, thumb brushing his cheek. “He was wrong.” My voice is ragged, almost unrecognizable. “Every word he said to you was fucking wrong.”
Leander blinks at me, startled by the change. His lips part, but nothing comes out.
I lean closer, pressing my forehead to his. “You hear me? You are not disgusting. You are not broken. You’re—fuck—you’re the most addictive, beautiful thing I’ve ever touched in my life.”
My control snaps in a different way now. Not to torment him, but to give. To make him feel good, to overwrite those memories with something he’ll crave instead of fear.
My hand finally moves where he needs it, no longer withholding. He gasps, body arching up into me like he’s been starved for years instead of minutes.
“That’s it,” I murmur, kissing him hard, swallowing the moan that tears out of him. “That’s mine now. Every sound, every look, every fucking tremble. Mine.”
He clings to me, half-sobs into my mouth, but his hips grind against my touch like his body has been waiting its whole life for this. And maybe it has. Maybe all this time he’s been waiting for someone not just to take from him, but to give back.
So I’ll give. I pull his shirt off, kissing every place the fabric leaves, until he’s naked and panting below me. “Perfect. Just perfect.” I mumble into his skin.
The need for him is already making me shaky. His strong hands flit underneath my shirt, massaging deep into my muscles.
I unbutton my jeans, his hands shoving them down over my ass. I palm myself as I bend down to slide his cock into my mouth.
He cries out, like he’s never been touched before. Then I remember last night when I asked if he’d ever been with a man and he lied to my face. My dick twitches. So I’ll be the first and only person inside him?
My restraint fades. I need him. He’s mine. All mine. Only mine.
I shove his knees to his chest, his tight ass shaped to perfection.
“We can’t—not here.” Leander’s sweet voice tries to reason.
“Yes, here. Because I’ll die if I’m not inside of you right now, Lee.”
Pre-cum drips from his cock onto his stomach. He bites his lip, staring at my straining dick.
I spit in my hand, running the saliva up and down my length. Leander’s eyes watch greedily, his knees spreading a little wider. I’d prefer his first time not to be in the back of my SUV and with an appropriate tube of lube, but I can’t be gentle anymore. Because the only pain I ever want him to think of is the pleasure that comes with it. Never the other.
I push into him. Leander cries out, fresh tears trailing down his cheeks. “Nix.”
I smile at the way he can barely say my name. “Shh, baby. You’re taking me so well.”
“Ah!” Another cry as I push deeper.
“It’ll feel good, I promise. Trust me, baby.” I kiss his good knee before sinking in to the hilt.
Leander groans, his hand twitching towards his cock.
I start to move slowly, not from the desire to be gentle but because Leander is so fucking tight. I almost came from the first slight shift.
“Harder, Nix,” Leander pants.
I groan. “Are you sure?”
“When have you ever been one to ask?” Leander quips.
I grin.
