“Yeah, this house with just me in it and a wife who hates me.”
They both frown while simultaneously turning to look at Cyn. I look at her, too, seeing the shock on her face. She wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t either, but it had to be said. I should’ve never put her in this position.
I continue, “Yeah, that’s right. We’re not even together anymore. Cyn moved out at the start of the year, and you know what, I don’t blame her. I was never here. Always at work. Work, work, work. Our last anniversary, when I didn’t show up for the surprise anniversary party my wife planned for me—I’m sure y’all remember that—I was stuck at work. It didn’t even occur to me to check my phone—to call Cyn and let her know I was running late. I was in work mode. Everything and everyone else had to wait. That’s what my life has become, and I’m not living like that anymore. I see an opportunity to have a normal life, and I’m taking it, but all you have to say is how I have this house like I’m going to lose it. Guess what, Ma? I don’t care if I lose it. Thishousemeans nothing to me without my wife!”
I take a moment to pull myself together. After much needed breaths, I say, “I’ve been struggling with this for most of the year, and I’m not doing it anymore. Going forward, when I tell you my plans, Mother, just know I’m not seeking your permission nor your blessing. Those days are over. That goes for you, too, Pops.I can’t keep living my life the way y’all want me to live it. I’m done.”
I leave the room after that. I’m not sure where my head is, and I don’t want to use them as an experiment to find out. I just needed to get out of there. I’m too angry to be rational.
I step outside for air, pulling in a refreshing amount into my lungs while thinking about the magnitude of what I just did. I’ve never talked to my parents that way. I’ve always been the obedient, respectful son – always have been – and I went off. I’m mad at myself for raising my voice, but after years of pent-up frustration of always having to please them at the cost of my own aspirations, I couldn’t help how it came out.
I continue on to my car where I sit for a minute to collect myself. I recline the seat back and close my eyes. My head hurts as much as my heart. All of this is my fault. I should have never let it get this far.
About a half hour later, I drive to Delgatos – an upscale lounge. I’m not surprised they’re open on Thanksgiving. They always are. They market it as a getaway from family, something I desperately need at the moment. A getaway and a drink. Drinking won’t cure anything, but it sure will take the edge off the evening I’ve had so far.
Buzz, buzz, buzz.
I glance at my phone to see my father’s name on the display.
I don’t answer, and even that has me feeling guilty.
“Good evening. What can I get for you?” the bartender asks.
“Let me get a St-Rémy, neat.”
“You got it, boss.”
I sigh heavily while drowning in my state of affairs. When he comes back with my drink, I take a sip and think about how different my life would be if I followed the path I wanted to follow. Where exactly do I draw the line between being the loyal, respectful son and being the man I desire to be?
My father calls back. Reluctantly, I answer, “Yeah?”
“Where are you?”
“I had to get away for a minute.”
He sighs heavily and says, “Son, you know me and your mother want the best for you.”
“Yes, I know that.” I take a sip.
“I never wanted you to forgo your happiness to appease us. There’s nothing more agonizing and soul-depleting than living your life to please everyone else while you remain unhappy. And Cynnamon—my God. I had no idea.”
“Yeah, well…”
“You think you can salvage it?”
“I have to. I have no choice in the matter. She’s my wife. Nobody else can have her. I need to make sure I still have a chance.”
“Well, she was in tears when you left.”
“Where is she now?”
“Last I saw, she went upstairs. Look, maybe you should roll on back here so we can talk through some things. Your mom is upset, too.”
“Nah. It’s all good. Just get some sleep, Pops. You know me. I’ll be fine.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I got this. I’m doing things my way from here on out.”
