So maybe I need to do the same thing now.
I head into the kitchen to see if there’s anything I can do to help clean up, but Kendra quickly walks me right back out the door. “You already did your part,” she says. “We’ve got this. Go relax.”
I won’t truly relax until Noah’s back and I can ask him if he’s okay.
So what do I do instead?
“Hey, you haven’t happened to see Noah come inside, have you?” I ask Kendra.
She shakes her head no. “I didn’t even notice he left. Is everything okay? You two looked pretty cozy earlier.”
“Things are good,” I say a little too quickly, but I hardly sound convincing.
Kendra studies me for a moment, then walks to the fridge. She opens it and pulls out half of a triple chocolate cheesecake. “Here. You look like you need this.”
“I didn’t think there was any left.”
She shrugs. “I saved a little for you and Noah.” She reaches into the drawer behind her and pulls out a fork, then hands it over. “But I won’t tell him if you don’t save him any.”
“Thank you,” I say. “Seriously, you’re an absolute lifesaver.”
I carry the cheesecake into the living room, not even bothering to get myself a plate. Tonight feels like an eat-right-of-the-pan kind of night.
The fire has burned down a little, so I add a couple more pieces of wood, then settle onto the couch and try not to think about Noah while I eat my weight in cheesecake.
The sugar is an excellent distraction, but the longer Noah is gone, the more I start to worry. It’s not like we had plans. But after how good things seemed earlier, I expected that after the Petersons left, we’d spend the rest of the evening together.
Then again, it’s not hard to understand why Noah might need time to think. He’s in the middle of something big—something that doesn’t have anything to do with me. I can’t just expect him to be fine because I’m here and I’d really like to spend my Christmas Eve with him.
I sigh and help myself to another bite.
Thirty minutes later, I’ve eaten half of what was left in the pan, and my worries have spiraled from perfectly logical and grounded in reason to slightly unhinged with a touch of delusional.
My brain does not hold back. I worry about everything from Noah freezing to death or getting mauled by a bear to him deciding I’m a terrible kisser and he’d rather spend the evening with the goats than face me and tell me the truth.
I’m not so out of control that I can’t fight the ridiculous with logic. It’s forty-seven degrees outside, and Noah grew up in these mountains. He’s not going to freeze. And while I don’t have concrete evidence that my kissing is fine, I feel like, at twenty-five, someone would have told me by now if I were really bad at it.
But that’s the thing about worry. The longer you spiral, the less realistic it becomes.
I toss my fork into the almost empty pan and groan as I drop back onto the couch cushions. “Gah, Megan!” I say to myself. “Get a grip!”
I stare at the ceiling for a long moment, then roll over to face the fire. If it wasn’t Christmas Eve, I’d call Alec and Evie. But we already talked once this morning, and I don’t want to interrupt their evening.
So I guess I’m on my own.
Just me and my cheesecake.
I look at the fork I left balanced on the edge of the pan and debate whether it’s worth reaching for one more bite. I stretch my arm out, my fingers barely grazing the edge of the utensil, and it flips out of my reach and tumbles to the floor.
You know what? That’s probably better. Eating my feelings can only get me so far.
I reach up and tug at the blanket draped over the back of the sofa, then spread it over me. Before long, my thoughts finally settle, and I start to feel sleepy. It’s only just past nine, but I’m on a comfortable couch, staring into a soothing fire, and I just ate myself into a sugar coma. As soon as I let my eyelids fall closed, I drift off.
It’s Noah who wakes me up, his cool hand cupping my cheek.
“Hey,” he says softly when my eyes flutter open. “Sorry to wake you.”
It takes me a moment to process my surroundings, his presence beside me. He looks chilled, his nose a little pink like he’s been outside. But his face is relaxed, his expression open.
