I glance around the elevator, but everyone else on it is involved in their phone or simply staring at the doors, waiting for them to open. So long as no one will see, I slip an arm around his waist and give him a squeeze that’s not quite a hug before quickly dropping my arm so we’re not found out.
When we get to our floor, we weave out of the elevator and down the hall to our room.
As soon as Lukas opens the door, but doesn’t go in, I can sense there’s a problem. I peer around him into the room. It looks like housekeeping has come through and completely reset the room, undoing everything Elliot did last night and this morning before we left.
I turn to Elliot, whose eyes are wide. He looks like he’s just gotten unexpected bad news. “Do you need to clean it again?” I ask.
His expression turns embarrassed, but he nods. “Just a quick one?”
“It’s not a problem,” I assure him. If this is what he needs to feel comfortable, I’m not about to stop him. Especially when it’s so easy to allow him this.
When Elliot has finished resetting the room and we have all changed to our room slippers, I look around until I find the Do Not Disturb door tag half-hidden under my suitcase. “Weprobably should have put this out before we left.” I grab the sign and hang it on the outside of the door. “It probably won’t do anything else for today, but it doesn’t hurt either. And we’ll leave it up the whole time we’re here so housekeeping doesn’t come in and undo everything again.”
Elliot nods as he tucks his cleaning supplies back into his bag, but he won’t make eye contact with me.
I hate that I’ve made him embarrassed. He has absolutely no reason to feel ashamed, and I never want to be the one to make him feel that way.
Acting on instinct, I wrap my arms around him from behind. It’s not lost on me that this is almost exactly how he was holding me last night before we knocked a couple of items off my list. The memory sends a tingle through me, and it occurs to me that while I could do homework right now, I could also suggest we tick off another box. The only thing stopping me from reaching down right now and touching Elliot any way I want is my own self.
But he’s upset, and I don’t want to push myself on him. So I just plant a kiss against his spine through his shirt and step away, giving him the space he probably wants.
I pull the book we’re reading for class out of my bag, resigning myself to actually doing the homework I’m supposedly up here to do. When I turn around, the guys are sitting on the beds, and I look between them, debating. I could sit at the desk, but we’ve had so much distance between us already today, and will go back to the same as soon as we leave this room again.
“Can I sit with you?” I hold my book to my chest as I wait for their answer. They’re under a lot of stress and maybe they need their space right now. I wouldn’t blame them if they just want to sit on their own.
But their reply is both affirmative and immediate. “Of course,” says Lukas.
At the same time, Sebastian says, “Always.”
I could go back to the same place where I slept last night but the calendar rotation would say that I should sit between Felix and Lukas. But if I sit between them now, will that mean I should sleep between Elliot and Sebastian again tonight? That doesn’t feel fair. This schedule is supposed to make life easier, but right now it’s just annoying me.
The reality is that I spent last night with Elliot and Sebastian, and right now I want to sit with Lukas and Felix. So I clamber over Lukas’s legs and settle between them. No one says anything, so they must assume I’m following the rotation. Maybe I can sit with Elliot and Sebastian at dinner and that’ll get me on track to sleep between Felix and Lukas tonight.
“What are you going to do while I read?” They can’t be planning to just sit here and watch me read.
“We could read to you,” suggests Lukas.
“You want to read my book to me?” That sounds even more boring for them than watching me read.
Lukas shrugs. “You have to read it.”
“For class,” I clarify. “It’s not exciting.”
Lukas’s response is to pluck the book from my hands. He opens the book to my bookmark, respectful of the spine, and starts to read at the top of the chapter.
His voice is quiet yet sonorous, and very relaxing. This is way more enjoyable than reading it by myself has been.
After a couple of minutes, Felix reaches for the book and picks up where Lukas left off.
I turn to watch him read. It’s cute, the way he pushes up his red glasses with the back of his hand against the bottom rim.
I’m not sure what comes over me, but I lean up and kiss his cheek.
Chapter Eighteen
Felix looks down at me, and all I can do is stare back, uncertain of what happens now.
I’ve never initiated with them before. I’m not even entirely sure that’s what I was doing when I kissed him, at least not consciously. But the way he’s looking at me, all I want now is to kiss him again, properly, and more.
