“Rebecca?” says a nurse, coming out to find me. She pauses briefly when she sees that I’m deep in conversation with the guys, but then comes over. “Your mom came through fantastically. You can head back up to the room whenever you’re ready.”
“Why don’t you lead the way,” says Elliot, offering me a hand and pulling me to my feet.
We ride the elevator up to my mom’s floor and they follow me down the hall to her room. As soon as we’re outside her door though, the guys hang back.
“You go in and check on your mom, we’ll wait out here,” says Elliot.
“Thank you,” I whisper, watching them walk away.
I can’t believe they’re here, that they showed up for me like this. It’s both a comfort and a hurt that they’re here. I’ve missed them so much, but now I’m going to have to watch them walk away again. I’m not sure my heart can take it.
“Hey, Mom, how are you feeling? Any pain or discomfort?” I ask stepping into the room. “The nurse said the procedure went well.”
“Has your dad called back yet?” asks Mom, her voice a little raspy.
“What?” She just got out of surgery to repair a punctured lung, and this is her first question?
“You called your dad earlier. Did he call back yet? Is he worried about me?”
I’ve spent all night by her side and this morning, and she doesn’t even care that I’m here. That I’m missing classes to support her. All she can think about is my asshole father.
“No, he hasn’t.”
“He’s going to,” says Mom confidently. “But call him again just in case. He’ll want to know I came out of the surgery okay. He’ll be worried.”
“Mom, I—” I start to explain that I’m not doing that, and he’s not worried about her, only ever about himself, but she cuts me off.
“Who’s out there?” asks Mom, trying to see around me. “Who’s outside my door?”
I turn around and see the guys hovering just outside the door.
“Sorry,” Sebastian says, taking a few steps back. “We didn’t know she could see us.”
“Rebecca! Who’s out there?” Mom asks again.
“Do you … want to come in and meet my mom?” I say with a deep sigh. I’m so embarrassed the guys I like are about to see my mother like this, but I don’t see way around it.
I lead them into the room. “Mom, these are my friends.” The guys all look from me to each other, but I keep going, “Lukas, Sebastian, Felix, and Elliot.”
“Nice to meet you,” says Lukas. He, Sebastian, and Felix wave. Elliot tucks his hands in his pockets.
“Four of them? That’s good,” says Mom, not even acknowledging them. “At least one of them will always be able to take care of you.”
I bite my tongue and force myself to stay civil. “I can take care of myself,” I point out. I’ve always taken care of myself. Mom certainly never took care of me.
“But of course, all four of us will always take care of her if she wants it,” agrees Sebastian, and I shoot him a dirty look. He meets my gaze. “I said, if you want it.”
“I can take care of myself,” I say again. It comes out harsher than I intend, but I’m just so tired right now and just the thought of relying on someone else, as I sit here looking at my mother in her hospital bed, broken because of how much her identity is tied to my father, makes me want to scream.
The guys nod, looking like little puppies I just kicked. As if I wasn’t already feeling shitty enough about everything, now I feel even worse for hurting them.
“We’ll just … wait in the hall. If you need anything, we’re right here,” says Lukas, gesturing for the others to follow him. They all file out, but the tension in the room stays.
I feel like an asshole. And it’s Mom who put me in this position.
“You should be nicer to them,” she admonishes me, “You’ll never find a man to take care of you if you’re mean to every man you meet, and you’re not supposed to take care of yourself.That’s not how it’s supposed to be. The men are supposed to take care of their women.”
I can’t take it anymore. All these years of watching her do this to herself, the past weeks of hurt and heartbreak, and the past twenty-four hours of worry and exhaustion, coalesce into one giant glob of emotion in the center of my chest, and I snap.
