“Nothing,” he replied, too quickly. “It’s just—it’s real now.” Alex sat back, his expression a mix of awe and trepidation. “Everything I have wanted since I was a boy, it’s about to happen.”
“You’ve earned it.” A hesitant smile crossed her lips.But is it truly what you want, she thought, though she did not let the words escape. She could not forget the look on his face, the pure joy he radiated when he talked about teaching future mathematicians. She did not see the joy now.
In ten days she would present her work to Sylvester, and Alex would share his thesis the day before. The same sickening dread she had been building for days became even stronger. What would happen if they both got what they wanted?
“Rose is enamored of you,” she said, her voice cautious. “Perhaps it is time you speak to my father about your intentions with her?”
“And what will happen if your father does not approve of me?” he asked.
She hesitated, cursing herself once more for allowing this tangled web to weave around them, about the insecurity Alex had exposed. “You have already impressed my father, and he sees a bright future for you. What better way to show his support of your courtship than by supporting your academic future?”
How are the lies coming so easily now?she reflected wanly.Have I ever been truthful with him?
Ten more days, then I will present to Sylvester. Ten days and the future is mine.
“My father will have a vested interest in your success if you are courting his daughter. The future is no longer the aristocratic class, it is in minds like yours, Papa says so himself.”
“So you believe he will accept me as a suitor?” he asked, looking at her as if her opinion meant everything to him.
Her heart twisted as she responded. “I can only hope.”
Chapter 16
“ButhowamIto choose?” Rose’s plaintive huff brought Alex back to attention.
The gloomy weather was typical for late April, the sky dark and the wind whipping mercilessly along Oxford’s winding streets, the kind of day where everyone with an ounce of sense stayed indoors. Rose and Alex had sought refuge in a fashionable shop on Bond Street, having abandoned their picnicking plans.
Rose’s nose wrinkled as she examined two pairs of kid leather gloves. Alex shifted on his feet, keeping his elbows tucked tightly to his sides to avoid touching anything in the posh shop. He never had the occasion to be concerned with matters of fashion, and certainly didn’t expect to provide an opinion on the subject consuming Rose’s entire attention. “Well,” he said, treading carefully, “they look nearly identical, I doubt anyone would notice.”
Rose looked at him, eyes rounded, before scowling. “This is pale pink.” She gestured to one pair. “And this is Spanish pink.” His eyebrows raised. She huffed and turned back to the gloves. He had very little space in his mind to contemplate the various shades of pink.
“What about these?” Alex asked, picking up another seemingly indistinguishable pair.
Rose eyed him in confusion. “Those are baby pink, only acceptable for a young mother.”
This was a world he didn’t understand, to which he didn’t belong, where the nuances of shades of pink spoke volumes. Alex took a deep breath, exhausted by remaining constantly on guard for mistakes when in Rose’s presence.
His eyes kept darting toward the domed building a block away. Fern planned to work at the library during their outing, only after dropping him notes to suggest appropriate compliments and where to buy her a special gift.Notthe bookstore!!she had written, punctuating it with an ugly, disgusted face strongly resembling her twin sister. Alex chuckled thinking about it.
“What is amusing you so?” Rose asked, softening her expression.
“Nothing, I’m…” He thought quickly.What would Fern say?“With your beautiful face, no one will notice the color of your gloves.”
She smiled and fluttered her lashes before turning back to the gloves, and he let out a sigh of relief. It was hard work keeping Rose amused. She was undoubtedly a kind woman, and he knew her to be intelligent, although he had yet to see the furious curiosity he observed at the party. Rose seemed to exist as a specimen for others to observe under glass.
Under any other circumstances, Alex would begin to wonder if courting Rose was still worthwhile. She was perfectly pleasant, but he never could rest in her presence, as though he never quite met her expectations. But Rose meant more now. Courting her meant courting her father, and with that, his future position in government. Was he willing to risk his future by giving up now?
But is London the future I truly want?
Swatting the thought away, Alex took the gloves from her hand—Spanish pink?“Allow me.” Rose beamed as he purchased the gloves, missing the flinch on Alex’s face when he paid the shopkeeper.I’ll need to cut my work with Fern short this week, see if I can get in some extra tutoring sessions.Courting Rose was becoming an expensive habit.
The pair exited the store and Alex felt a proprietary thrill as Rose put her hand in the crook of his elbow and smiled at him. “I’ve had a lovely day, Mr. Carroway,” she trilled, gracing him with a dazzling smile.
He gave her a pleasant smile in return as his chest warmed under her attention. “And I as well, Miss Rose.” Upon reaching her family’s carriage, he helped her footman load the packages into the cabin with care.
“I hoped you would join me in the carriage for a moment.” She turned to her footman. “Around the park, if you will. We will drop off Mr. Carroway at the Bodleian.” The footman nodded and went to deliver the news to the coachman.
His heart pounded as he stepped into the carriage and shut the door behind him. Alex lowered himself onto the bench across from Rose, palms sweating, and watched her apprehensively. Not once since the ball had Rose sought time alone with him. She had never even seemed to desire it. Now they were behind a closed door and Alex had no idea how to proceed.
