He shook his head. “Being exactly how you are is valuable, iswonderful. You have so much to offer the world.”
Fern released a humorless laugh. “Rose asked if I would stay with her after you marry, to take care of your children. She doesn’t think I could live alone. My mother always compared me to Aunt Margaret, and perhaps she was right.”
Alex's gut clenched. Fern as theirnanny? The vision horrified him. Fern was destined for far greater things. Not to mention the thought of marrying Rose but having Fern nearby suddenly made his blood run cold.
“Fern, no,” Alex insisted, “that’s ludicrous. You’re different, but it’s not a bad thing. You constantly surprise me. You—” He was unable to put into words what he felt in her presence. “You are incredible.”
She paused, wringing her fingers together. “No one has ever said anything like that to me before.” Her voice shook when she looked at him. “I don’t deserve those kind words from you.”
Alex leaned forward and lifted her chin, looking directly into her eyes. “Don’t say that. I admit I had my doubts when I met you, but….” He wiped a fallen tear from her cheek with his thumb. “You’re unusual, yes, but you challenge me, and everyone around you. Lord knows I haven’t been able to think straight since I met you.”
Fern put her palm over his hand, holding it to her cheek. “I don’t understand how, but…” Her voice faltered. “You see me.”
He stared at her, the startling intimacy of the moment giving him pause. Rose had said Fern was distant, unable to connect with other people. But she had bared her soul to him, and he was driven to do the same for her.
Thiswas the connection he sought with Rose. But…this wasFern, the woman who had consistently pushed him in the direction of her sister.
His thumb shifted under her palm, tracing the curve of her cheekbone. Her eyelids dropped, hiding the multi-faceted green of her eyes for a moment before her gaze connected with his again, her lips slightly parted.What would it be like to kiss her?It was a question he had asked before, often in the privacy of his room late at night, but now, with her inches away from him, it became more pressing, a desire threatening to overcome him.
No, she is not for you.If he felt something for Fern, he could not act on it. It would be completely inappropriate, and risky beyond belief. He would put his entire future in jeopardy.
He cleared his throat and pulled away from her. “It’s gotten late. I should get you home before anyone worries.”
Gathering her books, Fern nodded, hastily wiping tears from her cheeks. Alex’s stomach clenched. He had put her in a terrible position. He was considering marriage to her sister. He should not speak to Fern or touch her as he had. But still, he felt at ease with Fern in a way he never did with Rose.
They walked out into the night in silence, the cool air causing Alex to shiver. The street was deserted and Alex sighed with frustration. “I can walk if there are no hacks to be hired,” Fern suggested, understanding his annoyance. “It’s not far.”
Alex scoffed and shook his head. “That’s ridiculous and completely unsafe. I have another idea.”
He led her along Pembroke Square until they reached the stables where the wealthier students housed their horses and carriages. After careful negotiations and a hefty, wince-inducing bribe to the guard and a yawning stable hand, Alex led Henry’s horse from the stable. The Waverly girls were going to leave him penniless.
Fern’s eyes widened. “Is that your horse?”
Alex shrugged. “Not exactly, but it’s the best I could do, and I had to pay two guineas to get it.” He led the saddled horse into the street and stood before a clearly reluctant Fern.
“I’m not much of a rider,” she mumbled, jumping back as the horse shook his head and let out a snort.
Alex paused at the sight of her eyes, wide as saucers as she considered the horse. “Have you ridden much?”
“Not at all since I was a small girl,” she replied, her shoulders tense. “They terrify me, in fact. So large and smelly and—” The horse snorted again and Fern jumped back with a shriek.
He had to laugh. Even Fern cracked a smile in return. “It’s all right, I’ll help you.” He took her hand and led her towards the horse. He knew this was a bad idea but there was no turning back, even as the warm rush spread from her fingertips and down his arm, settling low in his spine. He released her for long enough to mount with relative ease, swinging his satchel over his shoulder and reaching down to take her bag.
“I take it you have ridden before,” Fern said dubiously.
Alex nodded. “I spent summers working with my grandfather on a horse farm.” Chivalry be damned, riding with Fern like this would be a mistake. What he felt for Fern had changed, had evolved into something stronger. But he was a gentleman, and unless they planned on walking back to Boar’s Hill, he would have to make do.
Alex forced a smile, hoping to infuse her with some of his confidence as he extended his hand to her. “Now come on up.”
Chapter 20
“Thiswillneverwork,”Fern said emphatically. Of course, she had to get home somehow, but riding a horse? WithAlex? He would touch her, feel her as her body panicked. No, she would walk if she needed to.
“It will work, you can sit in front of me. I won’t let you fall,” Alex said, his hand still extended toward her.
She huffed. “I can’t ride astride with you already in the saddle. I’d have to hike my skirts up.”
Alex hesitated. Even in the low street gaslights, she could see his cheeks color. “I’ll avert my eyes. But I need to get you home before you’re in serious trouble.”
