“I wrote the recommendation as you asked, but I had no idea the mess you caused until Rose told me. And you ran off to Hampshire to escape the consequences?” He shook his head and slumped his shoulders, as though weighted down by her actions. “I didn’t believe you were capable of such deception, such duplicity. I had to speak to you to understand why you would do such a thing.”
Fern nodded grimly, even as she struggled to meet his gaze. “I wanted to study maths at Oxford.”
Redborne’s jaw tightened. “We’ve had this conversation, and you know how I feel. You can study poetry, classics, but maths is—”
“Purely the domain of men, yes, I know,” she spat out, no longer concerned with staying in her father’s good graces. No longer caring about anything, really. “It was my dream, and Alex—Mr. Carroway, he helped me.”
“And you stole him from your sister,” he replied, his normally placid voice laced with anger.
Fern set her jaw as she narrowed her gaze. “Alex had a role in it as well.”
His hazel eyes, so keenly intelligent, bored into hers as though she was a puzzle needing to be solved. He had never looked at her with such a lack of comprehension before. Fern and her father were kindred spirits, intellectuals in the world of fools, as he liked to call it. She felt remarkably alone knowing she had lost him too.
Fern trembled from the weight of his disappointment. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you and Mama wanted. I’m sorry I’m not like Rose, but I won’t apologize for having dreams of my own.”
“I never wanted you to be like Rose.” The old man pinched the bridge of his nose. “You have always been different, and difficult at times, but Ineverwanted you to change.”
Fern swallowed against the lump in her throat. “You didn’t?”
“I didn’t want you to study at Oxford because it would have torn you apart. The women studying there are treated terribly. They’re not respected like the other students, not even by their professors. And maths?” He gave her a look so full of affection it made Fern’s desiccated heart swell in her chest. “They would be cruel. I couldn’t bear the thought of you suffering like that.”
“But it should have been my choice. I’m an adult and I deserve to have a chance. If you had listened, I wouldn’t have had to go behind your back.”
Her father reached out and took her hand. “You must understand, Fern. For the past thirty years, half of my life, I have spent every waking moment worried about you girls. I wanted nothing more in my life than to protect you, keep you safe from harm and see you happy. You are my last little girl, Fern. Happiness for you looks so different from what your sisters wanted, and I was at a loss.” He pushed a loose tendril of hair behind her ear. “I held you too close. But I’m so afraid to see you hurt.”
“I have to take chances, Papa.” Tears pinched behind her eyes. “I have to find my own way.”
“It seems as though you already have, my dear.” Her father considered her carefully. “You’re in love with the boy, aren’t you?”
She nodded, pushing her eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling. “But it’s over, Papa. I can accept it, but it will take some time.”
Her father squeezed her hand. “You’ve always been stronger than I gave you credit for. You’ll find your way. If you want to go to Oxford, I’ll see what I can do—”
“No,” she interrupted. “Oxford is not the place for me.” Even if Alex was gone from the university, it would always belong to him in her heart.
He nodded. “Then somewhere else. Your gift will shine once you find the right place. And as for your sister… Have you spoken to her?”
Fern winced. “She won’t be alone with me. Even if I could get her to listen, she has no reason to forgive me.”
“She’s your sister,” he replied. “She loves you, and you love her. Give her time, and space. You’ll find your way back to each other. And as for your young man…” He sighed. “I should have known how he felt about you after the night we had him to dinner.”
Fern quirked her head. “Why is that?”
Her father gave her a loving, if sad, smile. “He couldn’t stop looking at you the entire night. He turned to you like you were the sun itself.”
Describing the atmosphere of Boar’s Hill following Fern’s arrival as tense was a significant understatement. The servants moved through the house as though walking on eggshells, refusing to make eye contact with either of the twins and lingering only for a moment before disappearing downstairs. Lord Redborne kept to his study, only venturing out to share a silent dinner with his daughters. Lady Redborne and Violet had fled the situation entirely, finding a sudden need to visit a cousin in Yorkshire.
Rose did not accompany them. She had claimed Boar’s Hill as her territory and Fern was an unwelcome interloper. Fern could not help but marvel at her twin’s ability to avoid being alone with her for an entire week before being cornered in her mother’s dressing room.
“Is this where you’ve been hiding?” Fern asked, slipping into the room and closing the door behind her.
Rose sat up from her position on the silk divan, smoothed her skirts, and set her sister with a glare so cold Fern shivered. “You shouldn’t be in here, and I have nothing to say to you.”
Fern stood with her back to the door, knees trembling. She took a fortifying breath before continuing to speak. “You don’t have to say anything to me, but I need to say something to you.” She wrung her hands together, squeezing until her knuckles turned white. “I’m not here to apologize to you.”
Rose gaped, her words acerbic. “Excuse me?”
Fern flinched. “I mean, I am here to apologize, but I don’t expect you to accept it. What I did was terrible. I lied to Alex, and to you, and everything became so out of control. I tried to tell you—”
