Henry looked to his feet. “If you’re sure…” He heaved a sigh, then met her gaze. “I’ll teach you. But you must promise to tell me if it’s too much, if—”
“When have I ever held my tongue with you?”Every time I wanted to tell you how I feel. She pursed her lips and put the unpleasant thought away. “I won’t keep anything from you, I promise.”
Henry nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets.
Ellie shifted on her feet. “So… now?” she squeaked.
“No.” The word burst from his chest and Ellie flinched. “I didn’t expect this, and I don’t have…lessonsready. I need to think.”
Fresh humiliation washed over her. “Of course, of course.”
“After dinner,” Henry said, his voice soft. “We can take our time. And if you change your mind—”
“I won’t.”
They stared at each other for a long moment, the silence heavy between them, the air charged. They had crossed a line before they even touched each other. Could their friendship survive this? Had she already destroyed what they had and gotten nothing in return?
Henry swallowed heavily, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I suppose we should—”
“I need to wash before dinner,” Ellie interrupted. She had no distracted there was a distinct chance she would go down to dinner in her dressing gown and one shoe.
“Excellent idea,” he replied, as though grateful for an escape. “We’re meeting Alice and Miles at nine?”
She nodded, her throat tight.What have I done?
Henry sat at his desk, dropping his head. “Until dinner, then?”
“Lovely,” she said, her voice weak as she retreated towards her room. From the doorway, she turned. “Thank you, Henry,” she said to his back.
He turned and gave her a warm smile, although she could sense the tension in it. “Of course, El. Anything for you.”
“More wine?” Miles asked, his voice strained.
Alice nodded enthusiastically towards her glass. Ellie shook her head, and Henry lifted his hand to refuse. Miles looked disappointed, clearly hoping the wine would act as a social lubricant to ease some of the tension at the table.
Ever since his conversation with Ellie, Henry could barely string two coherent sentences together. Ellie was just as discomfited. She dropped her utensils and nearly jumped from her seat at the resulting clatter, and her knee had not stopped jumping under the table the entire night.
“Are you well?” Henry whispered, leaning close to Ellie’s ear.
She stared at him like he was a wild animal, ready to pounce. “Of course.” Her voice was shrill. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
When dessert—completely untouched by Henry and Ellie—was finally cleared, the table breathed a collective sigh of relief. “I believe my wife has a headache,” Henry said, taking Ellie’s elbow. “We should turn in for the night.”
“Oh, you poor thing,” Alice gushed. “I wish you had told us earlier.”
Ellie gave a weak smile. “I was attempting to be brave.”
Henry put his hand over hers and heard Ellie’s breath catch. “We shall meet you at breakfast, then?”
The couples wished each other goodnight and Henry led Ellie up the stairs towards their room. His heartbeat was so violent he worried he might expire from the strain.This is a terrible idea,he thought.This will only end in disaster. I should put a stop to it right now—
“Thank you for doing this, Henry,” she whispered, her voice huskier than usual. “I know it’s not the most pleasant of tasks—“
“I would not have said yes if I did not want to.” He refused to hear her denigrate herself any further. He couldn’t put his finger on the exact moment when Ellie had become more to him, evolving from a friend to an object of desire. But as soon as Henry realized he wanted her, he recognized the inevitable truth that he would only cause her pain. How far could he go with this… arrangement before he revealed his feelings? That would only destroy their friendship, and he couldn’t stand to lose her.
Henry still held the dim hope she wanted him in return. She must find him attractive on some level, and his horrid reputation and intellectual ineptitude had not been enough to turn her away, but could she want anything more lasting from him than a diversion while abroad?
When they entered the room, Henry removed his jacket and necktie and hung them in the closet with more care than he usually gave. His rapid breath would not put Ellie at ease; he needed to compose himself for her, and quickly.
