“Of course I do!” she cried. “I’mclever, dammit, even if no one believes me capable of it!”
Ben dropped his head and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “Fuck. Rose, I’m sorry.” He looked up and hated the sight of her burgeoning tears. “You can do whatever you’d like. I don’t know why I reacted that way.” He did know, but he wouldn’t let himself examine the feeling any more closely.
If he did, he would have to accept that Rose already meant more to him than his heart could handle.
Ruffgate was the type of man who could steal her away from him. The type of man who was deserving of her.
She nodded and crossed her arms, not meeting his gaze as she blinked repeatedly. The grip around his throat tightened.
A smart man would walk away, distance himself from this woman, and the way she made his chest hurt whenever she wasn’t by his side. He would find a willing woman to share his bed, keep his heart guarded. Live to survive another day.
Perhaps Ben was not as smart as he thought he was. “I don’t know what this is between us.”
She turned enough for the low light from the window to illuminate her flawless profile. “Neither do I.”
“You’re leaving soon.”
Rose shrugged, still keeping half her face turned away, as though frightened to expose herself fully. “And you love your wife.”
Fuck. He hadn’t thought of Aiko once. Not since last night, when he and Rose—
“I told you before that I’m not trying to take a hold of your heart,” she said softly as she looked out onto the street. “I meant that.”
She may not be trying, but his traitorous body seemed to throw itself at her, regardless.“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She turned to face him, her face cast in shadows. “I understand. I’ll go back up to the apartment. Abby and Cass should be moving back in tomorrow, so—”
His heart nearly leapt from his chest at the thought of her leaving, and he reached out to grab her hand. “Don’t go.”
Rose met his gaze, her forest eyes searching. “Why?”
Why, indeed?Because with her, he felt something, anything, good for the first time in four years. Because she had started to fill a part of him he hadn’t known existed. He had thought his heart had calcified around the wound left when Aiko died, but the space Rose had claimed seemed to be a different shape and form, as though she’d belonged there all along. Because Rose made him feel like he was standing on a cliff, terrified to look over the edge even as his legs trembled with the need to jump, to be weightless and reckless, even if he knew he would be destroyed once he fell.
“Because I want you to stay.”
Chapter 19
Benclaimedhermouth—therewas no other word for the way he pressed his lips to hers, how his hand cupped the mass of curls at the nape of her neck and knocked the white rosebud to the floor. Rose gripped his biceps for a moment before throwing her arms over his shoulders, pulling him against her.
Wantpulsed through her and ignited every nerve in her body, even as alarms sounded in her mind. This would end in heartbreak, certainly for her and most likely for him, but she couldn’t ignore the need pounding through her veins. Any guilt she harbored at pursuing him evaporated when his fingers finished unbuttoning the front of her dress, pushing the fabric aside and over her shoulders. With a shimmy, she slid the garment over her arms until it fell in a silken pile at her feet.
She couldn’t think of the future when his hands cupped her breasts, the slide of his thumb over her peaked nipple making her cry out against his lips. Her past was damaged, his even more so. They could be nothing but devastating to one another. But now,now, she could belong to him, and she would claim Benjamin North as her own.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you today,” he murmured; the warmth of his breath against the hollow of her throat, followed by a quick flick of his tongue, sent goosebumps erupting over her skin. “How incredible you felt coming apart on my hand.”
“Why did you leave this morning without speaking to me?” As much as she wanted to lose herself to pleasure, Rose couldn’t let go of the lingering hurt.
Ben hesitated, then kissed her lips, softly, a tender caress that brought tears to her eyes. “I was… I haven’t spent the night with a woman since…”
Her lips parted in a shy smile as warmth bloomed in her chest. “We didn’t even truly ‘spend the night.’” She bobbed her brows with the last three words, and he smiled, pressing his forehead to hers.This man hardly ever smiles, but I can make him smile. I can make him happy, even if it’s only temporary.
“Trust me, I know.” A low grunt came from deep in his chest, but this time it was full of amusement. Contentment, even. “If I spoke to you, I would have kissed you, and then I would have stayed in bed all day.”
Rose grabbed his hand and pulled him towards his bedroom. “There are worse fates than a day in bed.”
He smiled and his dimple emerged, and the effect was so charming she stopped to cup his cheeks and kiss him soundly. As they stumbled through the door frame, Ben pulled his shirt over his head, surrounding her with his scent. How did he always smell so good, like lemongrass and sweat andBen?
Rose stopped in place when a streak of gray flew out from under the bed and into the living room. “Was that—”
