“No, it’s no’.” Callum pushed past him to finish buttoning his shirt, then pulled on a pair of trousers. “Because I willnae be in England for years. The bastard men in her life have hurt her so badly, and I cannae do the same thing, but if I carry on with her, I will.”
“You don’t have to hurt her, you know.” James had leaned back against the window, the sunlight streaming in through the panes and gilding him around the edges.
Callum preferred to stay in the shadows. “Anything after this party is impossible. Shewantsto be ruined, and no one besides me is going near her.”
“Then don’t ruin her.Courther.”
An image of Violet clutching a posy of flowers and beaming spilled into his consciousness. He liked it far too much. “I’m no’ a man to court ladies,” he grunted as he crossed to his desk and sorted through papers without seeing them.
“You could be. There’s nothing stopping you.”
“I dinnae want to marry.” Another lie, and this one burned his insides.
Something in the back of his mind always pondered what it would be like to love a woman as his uncle loved his Aunt Aileen. To raise children who never doubted their place in the world, in their family. To deny that wish for himself had been a penance, particularly when he hadn’t yet set the business to rights, but now…
“Marriage would be beneficial to Taggart Maritime.” When he didn’t respond, James continued, unfazed. “Investors would love it, too. If you marry her, the society nobs will fall all over you. You’ll be one of them.”
“I dinnae need to be one ofthem.” The callous men and women who took Violet’s feelings for granted would never accept him in their ranks, nor would he want to be a part of it.
James released an exasperated sigh. “Then do it for yourself. A wife would be good for you, soften you some.”
“I can’t take a wife to Panama.”
“Precisely!” James pushed off the window and stood beside him. “A new wife is the perfect excuse for you to stay here. Even more sowhen babies arrive.”
“Will ye stop this?” he barked, his temple throbbing. “I’m no’ marryinganyone. I dinnae deserve to have for myself what I took away from ye.”
James crossed his arms over his chest. “And what is that?”
“Dinnae make me say it.” He turned from James and wanted to run, perhaps hide in the dungeon with Violet’s spider—
“No, you’re not getting away from this. How many times do I need to forgive you for something you didn’t do?”
He spun around, his anger making his voice break even though it was hardly a whisper. “If I’d never shown up on yer doorstep, ye’d still have Ewan.Hewould be running Taggart Maritime, and you could live however ye wanted, with whoever ye wanted.”
“I can live how I want now!” James pressed his hand to his forehead. “Will you please understand Iwantto be here, with you, becauseyouare my family, just as much as Ewan was. He’d want you to be happy.”
The sensation of something heavy landing on his chest returned. “He’d want ye to be safe.”
“And what do you want?” James stepped closer. “Because I don’t think you’ll be happy after Panama, if you’re still alive. You’ll find another impossible goal until there’s nothing left, until you’ve pushed away everyone who loves you.”
Callum resisted the urge to rub his sternum. “I will be fine once we’ve finished the canal—”
“That’s complete shite!” James pointed a finger in his cousin’s face. “Before we came here, I hadn’t seen you happy—hell, evensmiling—in years. I wondered if you’d forgotten how to feel any joy in life. And then you met her, and everything changed.”
The weight on his chest shifted, pressed more sharply above his heart. “Nothing changed.”
“Don’t lie to me.” Jame’s eyes flashed. “She’s changed you, and there’s no going back from that.”
The ache in his chest gave way, leaving an airy, yawning space in its wake. Her soft smiles filled his mind, how she sighed when he held her close. He wanted to keep the smile on her face, to shoulder her burdens and battle her demons.
Oh Christ.
Washe falling for her?
“If you do nothing else while you’re here,” James said, patting his cousin on the shoulder, “forget about the business, about me and Ewan and everything, except what makesyouhappy.”
He shook his head. He’d spent two decades telling himself he didn’t deserve happiness after what he’d done, had dedicated his life to protecting the family he almost destroyed. Even if he saved Taggart Maritime, how would he know where to start putting his happiness first?
