With a growl, Philip pushed to his feet and scrambled forward like a rugby player, scooping her up by the waist and swinging heraround in a circle. She shrieked as his arms forced the air from her lungs, but her cries turned to laughter as he spun faster and faster.
Rushing filled her ears as his arms tightened, and, completely against her will, her head fell forward to rest against his chest. He slowed but did not release her, leaving them in a breathless embrace.
Standing in the circle of his embrace settled something deep in her soul, eased the uncertainty rattling about her heart. They’d always been like this, seeking the touch of the other, inexorably finding their way across ballrooms and gardens like magnets. The thrumming of his heart beneath the layers of wool was a soothing lullaby she remembered so well, the press of his hands on her back slipping into a warm bath.
Right. Inevitable.
She was so tired of being strong, of holding up defensive walls that seemed to crumble whenever he was near. What harm would there be in indulging herself, just this once? Perhaps she didn’t have to be strong. Not all the time.
She lifted her chin, her mouth so close to his she could feel his breath warming her skin. For a moment she remembered the newly betrothed Lily, innocent and trusting andso bloody happy, so in love. She wanted to stay in that place and live as the woman she missed, the one whose time was cut short.
But then he turned, his lips brushing her temple when he spoke. “Not yet, Lily. When I kiss you—when I kiss you properly, it will mean you’ve forgiven me. It will mean forever.”
Disappointment clattered through her, but a scream interrupted her protest, followed by a string of profanity that would shame a sailor.
“Matthew!” she cried, prying herself—reluctantly—out of her husband’s arms to scramble across the snow towards her nephew. His face was red and splotchy, and clumps of snow hung from his hair and scarf. “Don’t speak to your brother like that!”
Matthew stomped his foot. “He pushed my face in the snow!”
“Hesaton me!” Reggie cried in return.
“That’s enough, boys.” Both stilled at Philip’s tone, stern but calm and measured. “That’s no way to treat someone you love. Apologize to each other.”
They each spat a mumbledI’m sorryat the other, and Philip sighed, then kneeled in the snow, bringing them to eye level.
“Did that apology make either of you feel better?” When they both shook their heads, he nodded. “That’s because neither of you meant it. Apologies alone fix nothing. You must mean it, promise you’ll change and then actually do it. Prove your words with your actions.”
Lily’s throat became unusually tight, and she swallowed against the burning sensation. She couldn’t see Philip’s expression, could only hear the intensity in his voice, the focus of the boys as they listened.
“If I’ve learned one thing,” he continued, “it’s that apologizing is easy, but meaning it is difficult. If you want to be a good man, you must prove yourself worthy of forgiveness, even if you know you won’t receive it.”
Matthew hazarded a glance over Philip’s shoulder, then dropped his voice to a harsh whisper, one Lily had no difficulty discerning. “Have you apologized to Aunt Lily yet?”
“I have, but she hasn’t forgiven me.”
Something in her chest lurched at that, as though her heart was attempting to break free and soothe him.
This time, Reggie spoke in a rough whisper. “Do you think she will?”
“I don’t know. But I’m going to keep trying.” He clapped one hand on each boy’s shoulder, bringing them closer. “How about a proper apology?”
Matthew nudged his brother. “I’m sorry I sat on you.”
Reggie’s lips pulled into a shy smile. “I’m sorry I pushed your head in the snow. I won’t do it again.”
“Well done.” Philip released them and levered himself to standing. “Let’s get dry and see if we can convince Cook to change her mind about the drinking chocolate, yeah?”
The boys let out a victorious cry and raced towards the front of the house, conflict forgotten. The cold must have seeped into her bones, because Lily trembled as she watched her husband approach with a narrowed gaze.
“You’re freezing,” he said, holding her upper arms and dragging his hands down to her palms. “Let’s get you inside.”
Her feet remained grounded. “Where did you learn to do that?”
He unfurled her scarf and replaced it with his own slightlyless damp one. “Do what?”
“I meant…” Lord, but it was difficult to focus with him so close, his warmth seeping through to her skin. “How you spoke to the boys… How did you know what to say?”
His lips pulled tight. “I had a lot of time to think about what I’d say to you, and I finally realized words mean nothing.” He took her hands in his and squeezed. “I have to prove that I’m worth the risk.”
