I do my best to keep it together as I say goodbye to the last people out the door and lock up. I take my time putting everything away and washing the floors. I’m in no hurry to go home to my empty apartment. I don’t bother to text James. If Nessa hasn’t told him off about us already, she definitely will now.
When we talked about our arrangement, we agreed that if it ever came down to it, I would choose Nessa over him. I guess it never occurred to him that she wouldn’t choose me back.
The rest of my closing moves in slow motion. It’s like I’m moving through molasses. Beck is still in the back, counting up the last of the tills. He doesn’t work in the evenings much these days, what with his fiancée and happy home to go back to. I go to say goodbye to him before I lock up.
“Everything okay?” he asks at my sullen demeanor.
I think about lying for a second. “No.” Beck’s face softens in understanding. He stands up and simply opens his arms. Without hesitation, I fall into them, letting every tear I’d been holding back tonight fall.
“What happened?” he asks. If Nessa knew about the tryst, there’s no way Beck doesn’t know as well.
“Nessa found out about me and James.” Beck nods in understanding, confirming my suspicions.
“I’m guessing she wasn’t happy.”
“You could say that,” I sniffle. “She said she won’t be taking any shifts with me anymore.” Beck’s brow furrows, however, he doesn’t comment further.
“I don’t love the way she’s going about this, and I’m sorry, but I’m going to respect that for the time being,” Beck says as my heart sinks. “We’ll give her some space. I’m sure she’ll comearound.” I can tell he’s trying to be supportive, even if he’s torn. “Are you guys serious?”
“I don’t think so. It was supposed to stay casual. Somehow things have gotten all tangled up. I’m not quite sure where we stand at the moment.” Everything is crumbling around me.
“Don’t worry, Stella, everything is going to be okay,” Beck rubs my arm. I never had any siblings, or even cousins. If I did, I hope they’d be like Beck. “You’re going to the band’s Christmas party tomorrow still, right?” he asks. I had been planning on going. They arranged it a while ago and James had invited me. No one had told me not to go, so I assumed that was still the case. I had thought it was odd to have a Christmas party so late after Christmas, however it was the only time the whole band and their partners didn’t have family stuff come up or a gig.
“I don’t know if I should anymore…”
“Well, it’s up to you. They invited all of the staff, so you’re welcome no matter what.”
“No one wants any drama brought to this party, Beck. I don’t want to stir any pots.”
“You won’t stir anything. Hazel and I will be there too if you need backup or interference. Don’t worry. Everything is going to turn out fine.”
Famous last words.
Chapter 33
Stella
Heartbreak Tuesday’s Christmas party is being hosted by Laur. They’re the only one with a house apparently, and the last time Jill hosted at her apartment the cops were called. Laur agreed to host on the condition that a few people stay to clean up, no hard drugs, and anyone who does something to get the cops called owes them a hundred bucks.
I was surprised they didn’t make people sign a contract upon entry, but it’s not unreasonable. As such, most people are on their best behaviour.
Well, at least no felonious behaviour.
I enter alone. After my conversation with Nessa, I didn’t want to risk overstepping, so I haven’t spoken to her or James since then, aside from a goodnight text from James. It’s more than I deserve after coming between them. At this point, I’m going to follow James’ lead about whether we continue or not. Feelings have already been hurt, but it’s not like it can realistically get worse, right?
Unless their mom decides to cash in on her threat.A shiver rolls through me as I remember her words, how she knew where I lived, knew how to trap me…Maybe it’s worth it to detach from the situation? Step away, let the siblings fix things?I don’t truly believe that James would ever let his parents follow through on their threats towards me, but they’re still there, hanging over my head, the guillotine waiting to fall.
I need to get out of my head.
Needing to quell the rambling thoughts rattling around in my head, I grab a drink the moment I enter. The party is already in full swing. I make my way through people I’ve never seen before, trying my best to navigate to any familiar face. I end up finding Laur in the kitchen, chatting with them for a bit as they tell me some story about a weird cousin they had to dig out of a snowbank at their family Christmas because he thought he could be buried in snow in a swimsuit for ten minutes. Five minutes in he was worried about losing a nut and begged to be released.
Laur is easy to get along with even if I’m a little uncomfortable being here. I only know a few people here, not to mention I haven’t seen Hazel, Beck, or James anywhere so far.
Maybe this was a bad idea.The thought barely crosses my mind when James walks into the kitchen.
“Hey, Laur,” he says, wrapping them in a quick, one-armed hug that they reciprocate. A shyness I’m not familiar with settles over me. How is that possible? He’s literally seen me naked more times than I can count. Nevertheless, I fidget with my short black dress. The fluttering skirt only hits mid-thigh, leaving me prone to some potential, accidental flashing, and the bust makes my meager breasts slightly more enticing. It may be wrong, but my outfit choice was heavily based on getting James’ attention tonight. It’s been two days, and I’m already going through withdrawal without him.
Tremors are not so easily silenced in my body as I try to read his expression. I haven’t heard from him, and I don’t know where we stand now. Does he still want me? Did I ruin things between him and his sister? If anyone got between me and a family member, I would have a hard time keeping them around, much less this closely.
