Naja
Fuck. I tried to not bethatperson, the one who bemoans her life and wallows in self-pity. I knew for a fact there were people out there who had it worse than I did. The ones who were at the bottom of a barrel of misery from which there was no return, and that was their reality day after day. Fuck, I’d met some of those people.
But I couldn’t help but think that maybe Fate liked to kick me around a little. I’d obviously done something to piss her off, so that whenever I got the tiniest ray of happiness, she made sure to snuff it out as soon as possible.
Or maybe she just wouldn’t let me wallow on the fence. Maybe she liked to drive me to hard decisions so I got to my happiness quicker. I was going to go with that because the other option was too depressing to consider.
I was sitting out on the porch swing, moving backward and forwards softly while Luisa played beside me. She was already more secure here, happier. She wasn’t even overtly perturbed by the terrifying visage of the guys in their Manix forms.
I liked it here too. And it wasn’t just the orgasms, though they were pretty amazing. I liked the company. The safety. I liked that they were a family, though I wasn’t sure I even knew what that was supposed to feel like.
If I ran, I’d be running forever. I wanted to pretend that I could circle back in a few years and grab Luisa. That I could offer her any sort of life except one of transience. But I knew if I left, I’d never see her again because I could never be that selfish.
If I took what they were offering, I could be free…Or I could be dead. And so could they. And Luisa.
I leaned my head back against the swing, and pushed us gently. The guys had left me alone to make my choice, so I didn’t feel pressured, I guess. I knew what they wanted me to do.
A figure blocked out the sun and I realized it was Seven. He was looking down at us, his shirt long since gone. He made my mouth water, like he was a feast and I was just on the other side of the glass window looking in. He could be mine, if only I had the balls to open the door. He gave me a half-smile. “May I sit?”
I nodded and shuffled Luisa into the center of the swing so Seven could sit on the other side. The whole apparatus groaned under his weight but held. He took over the gentle swinging motion. “You should stay.”
I opened my mouth to tell him all the reasons I couldn’t stay, including endangering them all, but he held up a hand to stop me. “But if you want to leave, you need to do it now and never return. Even if you leave Luisa, don’t come back.”
So many emotions stole my breath. Anger, outrage, fear, desolation. How dare he tell me I couldn’t come back for Luisa? Who the hell did he think he was?
“I know what you’re thinking, but you don’t know my Pack—you can’t see the effect you’re having already. You fit with us like you were made to be here, like you were meant to be one of us. Raiden is absolutely smitten, and Ellar? I’m pretty sure if you left today, his heart would break anyway.” His eyes turned sad. “The longer you wait, the more attached we all get, and the more your leaving will break us.”
I shook my head like I could shake his words from my brain. “I barely know you. You can’t say that; you may hate me in a month. You can’t know that they will feel anything for me.”
The look he gave me would have made weaker women quake in their boots. I was being purposefully obtuse, because I couldn’t take the responsibility of one more person’s happiness on my shoulders, let alone five.
Seven picked up Luisa, shifting her onto his knee and scooting closer to me. “Don’t run. Stay and explore this thing we have. Build something with us. It’s a risk—we know it too.” He gripped my hand. “You’re worth the risk.”
We sat in silence for a little longer, and eventually Luisa got bored and began to explore the porch on her own. Like any true shifter child, she loved being outdoors, being one with nature. She loved it here.
I snorted internally. I loved it here, I just refused to admit it to myself. I felt like I was home. Maybe that was the feelings of the inner Manix I never knew I had, or maybe it was just because it smelled like freedom, I don’t know.
Seven didn’t say anything else, but I found myself moving into him, borrowing his strength as my brain whirled with ‘what-ifs.’ The uncertainty of the future was plaguing me. I rested my head against his arm, closing my eyes because for once in my life, I was sure that there would be someone else there to watch Luisa.
I could rest. I was barely twenty-one and I was exhausted. Seven brushed my hair off my face, but didn’t try to manhandle me any more than that. He was just an anchor. I blinked my eyes open and looked up at him. He’d told me thattheywanted me to stay. That they would suffer if I left.
“Do you want me to stay?”
He took his eyes off the baby for a moment to meet and hold my eyes. “More than I’ve wanted anything in my whole life.”
I swallowed hard, nodding and dragging my eyes away in case he saw how much his words meant. “Then I’ll stay.”
The low thrum in his chest was the only reason I knew he’d heard my words, and that he was happy as we fell back into an easy silence.
While Seven’s response tomy decision had been subtle, Raiden’s was the exact opposite. He’d whooped for joy and gathered me in a hug that threatened to crack ribs. He’d kissed me hard and I’d kissed him back. Finlo had grinned and bundled me up into a hug of his own, and Ellar had kissed me with a heartbreaking tenderness. Gatlin had smiled and looked pleased, and I had a feeling that was something significant. He was a man of action though.
“We should get ahead of Wilkie. He’ll be getting his shit all figured out so he can present himself as the best possible candidate for the last female Omega, but if we walk into the Legion as afait accompli, then it’ll be harder for them to find a reason to protest,” he said, as we sat around the dining table that night.
I nodded, watching Finlo take a sleeping Luisa off to her crib. At this rate, I was going to lose my Mom-biceps. The ones you get from deadlifting thirty pounds twelve hours a day. It was nice though, almost too nice. I felt guilty, though I didn’t know if I was guilty that they had to do my job for me, or guilty that Luisa wasn’t getting the same one on one time with me she used to get.
On second thoughts, probably not, considering normally I’d be at work twelve hours of the day. Still, residual guilt was a bitch.
“Okay, so we go and see them tomorrow. What do I need to know?”
