“You look beautiful, sweetheart.”
My dad leans on the doorframe, and the pride in his voice has me pushing the panicky feelings down. But there’s no hiding my emotions from my father.
“Everything okay?”
His brow furrows in concern. His brown eyes bore into mine and I look away, smoothing my dress down in the mirror.
I could tell my father that I don’t want to go through with this, that I might be making a big mistake. He would understand, my kind father, as empathetic as my mother is cold.
If I told him I don’t want to go through with it, surely he’d tell me I didn’t have to? Even though this dress cost a fortune and all my mother’s friends have arrived, the caterers are cooking the wedding breakfast, and the venue’s been booked for weeks. If I walked away now, there’d be no end of the lectures I’d get from Mom or the shame I’d put her through.
Yet… When I look at myself in the pure white wedding dress, nausea claws at my stomach.
We arrived at the Emerald Heart Resort two days ago. I’ve been itching to get up the mountain for a ski, but Mother has kept me busy with the final wedding preparations, checking that I’m happy with the menu and the flowers and everything else she and the wedding planner picked out.
But what if I’m making a big mistake?
Being back at the resort, at the place where Hans kissed me two years ago, has made it all real.
Ryan is a nice enough guy, and I’m fond of him. But every time we kiss, I remember the moment I had with Hans two years ago, and it doesn’t even compare.
Which is stupid. I’ve thought about Hans many times over the last two years. I was only eighteen when I met him, and I realize now he was after a quick thrill with a rich girl. He probably tells every woman he instructs that they’re beautiful. I bet I wasn’t the first girl he took to that lookout.
A jealous pain stabs my heart at the thought of it, even though it’s true. I was a naive eighteen-year-old, thinking I shared something special with the hot ski instructor.
He wouldn’t even recognize me if he saw me again, even though his face is etched into my memory, the feel of his lips forever imprinted on mine.
“You okay, Allie?”
I realize Dad’s waiting for an answer. I open my mouth to tell him that I’m not sure about getting married. That even though I was nothing to Hans, I want to feel that way when I kiss someone. That I want passion and love and that I’ll never feel that with Ryan, no matter how many zeroes he has in his bank account.
I open my mouth to say something, and at that moment Mom sashays into the room.
“She’s just got wedding day nerves.” She gives me a tight smile. “Don’t you, darling?”
I close my mouth again, because this isn’t just about me.
Mom needs me to marry Ryan.
“Yeah.” My voice comes out croaky. “Just nerves.”
Nerves that make me want to throw up.
Dad doesn’t buy it. He hasn’t been around much lately, working on a new business venture is what he’s told me. For the first time, I notice dark smudges under his eyes and that the lines around his mouth are more pronounced. My dad has always looked younger than his forty-two years, but not today.
He cuts a striking figure in his tuxedo, but there’s a haunted look in his eyes. I make a note to ask him about it later, when all this is over.
When you’re a married woman.
The thought makes bile rise in my throat, and I cough in panic.
Dad frowns. “You do love Ryan, don’t you, Allie?”
Mom scoffs before I can answer. “Love doesn’t have anything to do with marriage for people like us. You of all people should know that.”
She gives Dad a pointed look, and my heart sinks. I had hoped to get through this without my parents arguing.
“You never let me forget it,” Dad mutters.
