As she brushes past me, she touches my shoulder. I glance up at her and our eyes lock. “Thank you.” She leans down, and her lips brush against my cheek.
It’s a friendly kiss, a thank you kiss. But I close myeyes and breathe in deep, savoring her scent of milk and lavender and baby powder.
When I open my eyes, Isla’s gone and Bit Rate’s, staring at me shaking his head slowly from side to side. “Are you going to make a move or just moon over her for another two weeks?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
He snort laughs. “You’ve had it bad since she turned up, Luke. And I get it, she’s dealing with a situation, but it’s been two weeks, man. It’s obvious to everyone how you feel about her. You got everyone in the club running after this woman. And you know why we’re doing it? Because we all know she’s going to be your old lady. So put us all out of our misery and make it official, please.”
He’s half teasing, but he doesn’t understand. I glance down at my lap and the useless stumps where legs should be. “I can’t.”
Bit Rate pulls out the chair and maneuvers it around until he’s facing me. “What’s holding you back?”
I snort laugh, because he must be joking. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m missing both my legs and I’m in a wheelchair.”
Bit Rate winces. “You think Isla gives a shit about that?”
“Of course she does. No woman wants half a man. No matter how good a person they are.”
“Luke, you’re sleeping outside her room, you’re feeding her every day, you’ve organized a team to help her with the baby, and you got her a job. If she’s worriedabout a few missing limbs, then I’ve read her all wrong and she doesn’t deserve you.”
He’s gone from teasing to earnest. “Trust me, what women really want is a kind heart, someone who supports them, and blind devotion. If you can give her those things, then she’ll give them right back. And when that happens…” He sits back and smiles, no doubt thinking about Freya. “…it’s a beautiful thing. Take it from this old man. If you have a chance, you’ve got to grasp it with both hands.”
He makes it sound so easy. But I’ve never had a serious relationship before. Even if Isla was interested, I have no idea where to begin.
“How?”
Bit Rate leans back in his chair. “Take her out, have some fun. Show her who you are and make her remember she’s a woman and not just a mom.”
What he’s saying makes sense. Maybe if Isla really knew me, she could see past the chair, past what’s missing. But what if she can’t?
“I’m scared.”
Bit Rate chuckles. “We’re all fucking scared when we find the woman we love. But just remember, you can face down anything. The enemy did their worst to you, and you survived. You’re a badass motherfucker, Luke. Now go out there and get your girl.”
7
ISLA
Cody suckles contentedly on my breast as I cradle him in my arms, rocking gently in the feeding chair in the corner of the playroom.
I run a hand over his downy head, and my heart fills with wonder at this tiny miracle. I’ve felt this way ever since he was born, intense feelings of love combined with exhaustion and fear.
“We’re going to be okay.”
For the first time, I believe the words I whisper to him. I have a job, a place to stay, and a way forward. I won’t be able to live at the clubhouse forever, but if I can prove myself in the job and extend the hours, I should be able to get a place on my own in a few months.
Luke says I need to push Ian for child support, but I’m not ready to have that conversation yet. One of the guys here is a lawyer, and Luke has already put him in touch in case things get tricky with Ian and we have to go through the courts.
My instinct is to not take anything from Ian. But I won’t be able to afford childcare if I don’t. I can’t rely on the women of the club forever.
The air in the room shifts, and before I even hear the soft turn of his wheels, I know Luke is here. As usual he ducks his head, averting his eyes while I feed even though I’ve told him a hundred times it doesn’t bother me. I’m feeding my baby, and it’s nothing to be ashamed about.
“Danni’s going to take Cody for a few hours when you’re finished.”
I frown at his words. I usually spend the afternoon with my son. The women here do enough, and I can’t expect them to have him all the time. “Do they need me to work?”
“No. I’m taking you out.”
