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Anger boiled up inside of me, waging a war over the grief I also felt.
Grief won out as I walked up to Patty, who stood closest to me.
“Patty,” I whispered. I could feel Tucker’s eyes on me, but I focused on the woman standing before me. Her eyes were so bloodshot from crying. All I wanted to do was pull her to me, so I did. Her arms wrapped around me, holding me tight.
“I’m so sorry, Patty. I’m so very sorry.”
The strong woman I’d seen smiling and saying hello to people cracked for a brief moment and sobbed; then she sucked in a breath of air.
“Thank you, sweet girl.”
I went to pull away from her, but she held me tighter and moved her mouth to my ear. “He loves you, Charleston. Let him love you because he feels like he has no one right now.”
My intake of sharp air was evident to both Lily and Tucker, I was positive. Patty let me go and turned to the person who was walking up behind me. I stared at her. My mind spinning.
Lily gently touched my arm and moved me closer to her. I tried to give her a smile, but I knew I was failing.
“Thank you, Charlie, for being here. I know this has to be so hard with your recent loss as well.”
I wanted to ask her if she meant my parents or her brother but decided I was reading too much into this because she had to mean my parents.
With a quick hug, I stepped to her side and looked up into Tucker’s gray eyes. The sadness in them left me breathless.
“I’m sorry about your father. I know how hard this is on you.”
His eyes held nothing in them. No emotion whatsoever. He waited for what seemed like forever when he finally said, “Thank you.”
He made no attempt at hugging me—hell, he actually took a step away from me. Our eyes lingered on each other for a few more moments before he looked away and stared blankly at the person talking to Lily.
I turned and walked into the church, the threat of tears pricking the back of my eyes. I quickly found Terri sitting in the second row with Nash, Blake, and Jim. She took my hand in hers and gave it a slight squeeze.
“You okay?” she asked, her eyes filled with sympathy.
My words caught in my throat. I was far from okay. I missed my parents. My heart hurt for Tucker with the way things were left between him and his father, yet I was angry as hell at him. Maybe I wasn’t angry, but rather hurt that he would play me for a fool.
Pot calling kettle black.
Maybe my feelings were hurt at the hateful things he said to me in his drunken haze; they were hateful but also true. Truer words were always spoken when liquid courage was your shield, I guessed.
“I’m fine,” I finally got out. My voice betrayed me, though. I was far from fine.
Another few minutes passed by, and then the family came in. I watched Lily and Tucker as they walked on either side of their mother. Tucker looked to be helping her stand up. When they sat down in the front, I heard soft cries and sniffles and nearly jumped up and bolted out of the church. Memories of my parents’ funeral came rushing back. I focused on Tucker, watching his every move.
“Tucker is not doing well at all,” I heard Nash whisper to Blake.
“Yeah, I know. I stopped by last night, and he was trashed out of his mind.”
I frowned. That might have explained the blank expression on his face.
Tucker placed his arm around his mother and lightly brushed his fingers over Lily’s shoulder. It was a silent show of strength. I couldn’t be angry with him, not right now. Not knowing how he was feeling and the guilt that had to be eating away at him.
Tucker’s mother laid her head on her son’s shoulder. I could see her body shaking as she silently cried. I continued to watch him, willing him to stay strong for his family. For himself.
He did just that.
WE ALL SAT around a giant table in Tucker and Lily’s parents’ backyard. After the graveside service, family and friends were asked to come back for a celebration of Roger’s life.
I had mostly been zoned out of the conversation until something Nash said snapped me back to reality.
