Now
BRYANT SITS BESIDE ME in an olive green armchair as we sit across the desk from a strange woman. My ex-husband’s idea of a first date is attending a therapist appointment.
Mary Acres appears to be in her early forties with slight graying at her roots. Her black-framed glasses make her crystal blue eyes pop as loudly as the white of her teeth against the thin red line of her lips. “Thank you for coming, Zhanna. Bryant and I spoke briefly over the phone when he made the appointment, so why don’t you bring me up to speed on what’s going on with you two.”
“We’re divorced,” I start.
The news doesn’t shock her. “Well, that’s okay. Did you attend therapy before the divorce?”
“No,” Bryant answers, “but I went to individual counseling. Zhanna wasn’t ready to forgive me enough for us to attend therapy.”
“Nobody says I’m ready to forgive you now,” I remind him.
He reaches over and gently places his hand on top of mine as he continues. “I cheated. It’s why we’re split up.”
Mary focuses on me. “Do you want to work things out with Bryant?”
“I don’t know. You know the saying, ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater’.”
“Yes, I’m familiar with the saying, but I have to disagree. People cheat, and people cheat for different reasons. It doesn’t always have to be because their significant other is lacking, and yet, it’s very personal to the person cheated on.”
“Yes,” I agree.
“Did it make you feel unworthy and unloved?”
“Yes.”
“Did it affect your self esteem?”
God. I hate to admit it aloud. I don’t want him to know how low I really fell when he cheated, so I don’t answer her.
Thankfully, she moves on. “Bryant, have you two spoken about why you cheated?”
“I don’t have an elaborate excuse for cheating. It’s simple, I made a very big, drunken mistake.”
Mary jots down notes as she continues. “Do you have a problem with alcohol?”
“No.”
“Zhanna, do you think he has a problem with alcohol?”
“No, I think he has a problem with fame.”
“Okay, I understand. Let’s table the fame discussion for just a moment. Has there been any alcohol or drug dependency in the past?”
“No,” we both answer.
“Do you drink now?” she asks him.
“I have a one-drink limit.”
The knowledge surprises me. I didn’t know he’d made the commitment. “Since when?”
“Since I made the biggest mistake of my life. My therapist thought I should reevaluate my stance on inebriation if I’m apt to make life-altering mistakes when I drink without my wife.”
I allow the wife comment to slide and remain quiet because I’m unsure what to say. He’s serious about making changes, it appears, but is it too little too late?
“Zhanna, have you thought along the lines of your expectations of Bryant if the two of you should reconcile?”
