Dios mío…
Grabbing more paper towels, I wet them and went into one of the stalls to clean up the rest of me. The evidence of his cock inside of me was still real enough on the inside of my thighs, and I scrubbed myself clean, taking off my ruined underwear and shoving them into the trash can with shaking hands. Then I turned around, sat down hard on the toilet, and stared blankly at the graffiti on the stall door as I tried to pee.
What theHELLwasthat?
Again and again, I repeated the question to myself, but the answer couldn't be found anywhere in the positive quotes and hearts and love letters written in black sharpie on the metal walls and door surrounding me.
"Esme, open the door."
I froze at the sound of Brogan's voice, my heart pounding so loud he must’ve heard it. He'd followed me into the ladies’ room? I dropped my head in my hands and groaned. After what we'd just done...I wasn't sure I could face him. Not yet.
"Esme, please," he said, his voice softer now. "I just want to make sure you're okay."
I swallowed hard, trying to find my voice. "I'm fine," I managed to say, but even I could hear the tremor in the words. "And this is the ladies’ room. It's a sacred space. You shouldn't be in here."
There was a pause, and then he sighed, my feeble attempt at humor lost on him. "No, you're not fine. And I'm sorry for that. I...I don't know what came over me out there. I've never...it's never been like that before." He paused again. "I lost control," he said quietly.
I closed my eyes, remembering the feel of his body against mine, his cock inside me. The way he'd looked at me, like he wanted to devour me. And how he very nearly had.
"Esme, please come out. Let me see you. I need to know you're okay."
There was something in his voice, a raw vulnerability that I'd never heard from him before. It tugged at me like invisible puppet strings. Lifting trembling fingers to my face, I swiped at the silent tears traveling down my cheeks.
Slowly, I stood, fixing my skirt and unlocking the stall door with hands that wouldn't stop shaking. When I stepped out, Brogan was there, his green eyes full of concern as they swept over me. The drunk girls were gone.
"I'm sorry," he said again, taking a step towards me. "Are you really okay?"
"I can't stop shaking," I whispered.
"Fuck." He started to come closer, then changed his mind and leaned back against the wall instead. "You're probably in shock." His fist slammed into the wall behind him, making me jump. Then he held his hands up, palms out, and took a few breaths. "I took too much blood. You need to eat and hydrate and rest."
I nodded, wishing he would hold me.
His brows lowered, and he dropped his arms back down to his sides. "How much did you know about us before you came here? About vampires?"
"Enough," I told him. “And nothing at all, apparently,” I added, thinking about what Lizzy told me.
He ran his eyes over me again, and the silence grew loud between us. "I don't know how…" He trailed off, shaking his head as if he couldn't find the words. I understood though. Because I felt it, too. This thing between us, it was intense and overwhelming and unlike anything I'd ever experienced.
"What are we doing?" I asked softly, needing to know where we stood.
He reached out, his fingers grazing my cheek. "I don't know," he admitted. "But I know that I don't want to stay away from you anymore. I can't."
I leaned into his touch as I breathed in a jagged breath, savoring the feel of his touch against my skin. But even as I accepted this little bit of comfort, I knew there was something he wasn't telling me. Something he was holding back. I could see it in the way his eyes darted away from mine and the tension in his jaw.
Part of me wanted to push, to demand answers. But I was exhausted, physically and emotionally drained from the intensity of what we'd just shared. So I let it go, for now.
"Esme." He said my name softly, his thumb brushing over my cheekbone. "I'm sorry I said those things at Killian's house. Sometimes, words come out of my damn mouth before I think much about what I'm saying. And I’m sorry I ran from you at the club. I’m just…I’m having a hard time processing all of this. You don’t have to keep hiding from me."
I swallowed hard, guilt twisting in my gut. “I’m not hiding, exactly. I’m…” As the true reason I'd stayed away from him came rushing back to me, I stepped back out of reach, panic reinforcing the walls I needed to keep between us. "I don't want to see you anymore," I blurted.
His brows drew together. "What?"
"I don't want to see you anymore, Brogan. I'm leaving New Orleans," I told him, thinking on the fly. "I need a couple of days to wrap up a few things, and then I’m leaving.” It wasn't a lie. The djinn would kill me when I didn't find the book by the end of the week. Time was moving whether I wanted to believe it or not, and I hadn't even started looking.
His expression hardened until I couldn't look at him anymore, my eyes falling to the large blue flowers on his shirt. Why did he wear such silly clothes that made him stand out? Was it really just for the attention?
"Where are you going?"
