“Why would you take a girl to Taco Bell on a first date, Josh? Are youtryingto be single forever?”
I let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, Jenny. I’m not sure this is starting off well at all. Did I do something? I want us to have fun here.”
She sighs too, folding her arms across her chest. “No, you’re fine. I’m just . . . I guess I just live in this fairy tale world.” She glances out the window and then looks back at me. “We can go to the Italian place, by the way. I don’t really care.”
“What do you mean about the fairy tale thing?” I ask, grateful for the food thing. Now at least we have a place to go.
She shrugs. “I live in a fairy tale world in my mind, because I want everything to work out perfectly. So I guess you’re screwed by default, because you’ll never be as good as the guys in my head.”
I think about making a joke about how if there’s guys in her head, maybe she should see a doctor. But I’m pretty sure that would only earn me another scowl. She doesn’t exactly get my sense of humor.
“I’ll try my best,” I tell her, wondering how exactly opening the door for her doesn’t fit into the Prince Charming fairy tale vibe. “You look really beautiful,” I say.
“Thanks,” she says, while gazing out of the window. “You’re not so bad yourself. Lately I’ve been going on dates with guys who seem okay in their pictures, but in real life they’re fat or gross.”
I glance down and pat my stomach. “See how you feel after you see how much pasta I can eat.”
It’s supposed to be a joke, but she just gives me this weird look. Luckily, we’re now at the restaurant, so the conversation doesn’t have to continue while we park and get out of the car. I don’t go around to her side of the truck, choosing instead to wait for her to walk up to me. It feels so weird because usually I walk with a girl everywhere, but I’m trying to feel out what she likes and doesn’t like, and so far, all of my guesses have been wrong. My stomach tightens as we walk into the restaurant. If the car ride was any indication of the rest of the date, I’m not sure how I’ll get through it.
***
After dinner, Jenny suggests that we get frozen yogurt from this place her cousin works at. We stop there, even though I’m not even hungry, and get dessert while she and her cousin talk loudly about all of my pros and cons. I guess this is a thing they do in the girl world.
“Pro, he’s definitely hot,” the cousin says. She’d told me her name, but I don’t remember it now. “But that means that, con: he’s probably a man slut.”
“I’m not a man slut,” I say, looking up from my bowl of cookies and cream yogurt.
“Con,” Jenny says, pointing her spoon at me. “This is a private conversation so you shouldn’t be eavesdropping.”
I lift an eyebrow. “We’re all sitting at the same table.”
The girls exchange a look and I check the time on my phone for the thousandth time tonight. This date can’t possibly go any slower. I’m ready to get home, shower off the remains of this terrible date, and chill out in my pajamas. Maybe this is finally the motivation I need to delete the stupid dating app. Colby will be proud, if he ever stops laughing after I tell him about this date.
Jenny finishes off the last bite of her yogurt and then stands abruptly. “I’m ready to go home,” she says, and I’m reminded of a spoiled princess on some kid’s cartoon movie.
“Sure,” I say, rising and tossing my bowl into the trash. I wasn’t even finished yet, but who cares. “Nice meeting you,” I say to the cousin and I don’t believe a word of it because it wasn’t nice meeting her.
She gives me this appraising look. “You too. Jenny, call me later and we’ll talk.”
It’s not as subtle as she might think it is. They’re definitely going to talk about me. Who cares? I’m so over this date.
Jenny doesn’t talk much on the drive back to her apartment complex, and I’m grateful for the silence. This entire evening has been a nightmare. There was definitely no magic spark between the two of us.
I stop at the same place I picked her up, wondering if I should even bother to get out of my truck. Normally I would, but who knows what Jenny expects of me?
She slides over, pulling up the center console so that she can squeeze into the middle seat. She flits her eyes, giving me this sultry gaze. “I had fun, Josh.”
Before I can come up with a lie and say I had fun too, she puts a hand on my chest, letting her fingers slide down to my belt. I tense. This is not what I expected.
She leans in, smelling like some kind of powdery perfume, pressing her lips to my ear. “If you’rereallygood to me, maybe I’ll let you get some of this,” she whispers, pressing her boobs against my arm.
Normally, a come on of this nature from any girl would be hot. But I’m only feeling awkward as crap right now.
“Well, goodnight,” I say. “Would you like me to walk you to your door?”
She sits up and slides back into her seat. “Ugh, you perv! Like I’m going to let you have the goods on our first date!”
She rolls her eyes and hops out of my truck, slamming the door behind her.
I let out a sigh and watch as she bounces along the sidewalk, letting herself into the lobby without so much as a glance back.
Well, that was officially the weirdest date I’ve ever been on. Half the time Jenny seemed like she hated everything I said and did, and the other half of the time she was fawning all over me.
I put the truck in drive, already daydreaming about the glorious shower I will take to wash off the awfulness of this date. Then I’ll grab some Cheetos and watch TV until I’ve forgotten what a date even is. My phone beeps, and I check it before driving away.
Jenny:Such a wonderful night! Thank you, my handsome prince charming! Can’t wait to see u again! Xoxo
