I look at her like she’s crazy because why wouldn’t we want a ride? It’s humid as hell out here. But there’s a look in her eyes that I can’t ignore. She’s uncomfortable with this whole thing. I can’t do that to her, so I turn back to Caleb.
“We like walking, but thanks anyway.” He looks a little disappointed, and I feel guilty at how much I enjoy knowing I disappointed a guy like Caleb Brown.
“It’s cool,” he says, recovering his features into an impassive grin. “I’ll see you around.”
I nod and he drives off, and I keep replaying those words in my head.I’ll see you around.Had he said them with a little inflection at the end, like it was a question? It certainly sounded like it. Or was he just throwing out the words with no regard to their meaning, the way someone says what’s up and you say fine?
I have no idea. It all happened so fast. Now I can’t stop wondering what had actually happened verses what my lovesick brain wishes had happened.
“What was that?” April says beside me as we start walking again.
“I have no idea,” I say, sounding breathless.
“You knew him?”
“Kind of,” I say with a nod.
She stares at me in disbelief. “Isn’t he like some popular jock?”
“He used to be just a normal kid, and that’s when we were friends.” I’m so lost in my old world of daydreaming about the past that I step on a rock and nearly trip over it. April jumps out of the way as I flail and then regain my balance.
“So are you friends now? Sorry for so many questions, but you’ve never talked about having popular jocks on your list of friends.”
I laugh and shake my head. “We’re totally not friends. That was weird.” I glance around. “Do we look like we need a ride or something? Like, are we looking extra pathetic today?”
“No more pathetic than usual,” April says with a shrug. “Sorry I told him no, I just didn’t feel comfortable at all. You can’t trust jocks. They’re probably terrible drivers.”
I stare at the road ahead of us as we walk. “Don’t worry about it. I would have said no anyway. I mean can you imagine how awkward the ride would have been?”
She inhales a deep breath. “Exactly.”
***
School is just as foreign to me today. The teachers all move on with their lessons while I’m still trying to catch up. I try to focus and take notes, hoping that magically the knowledge will appear in my brain as if I’ve known it all along.
It doesn’t.
And that’s the thing with education. The harder it is to learn something, the more frustrated I get, and I just want to quit. When the chemistry lesson is so freaking confusing I don’t understand a word of it, it’s easy to just lay my head down and look out the window and daydream about something else. (Like how cute Caleb Brown is, for example.)
But I tell myself to try. It’s senior year, I’m failing this class, and I need to get my shit together.
So instead of letting my thoughts float to Caleb’s sparkling blue eyes, I study the periodic table of elements. Instead of wondering why he suddenly remembered my name this morning and not last month when he’d come into the store to buy a gift for his mom, I practice listing chemical reactions.
I’m fighting a losing battle though, because by seventh period I’ve become totally obsessed with thinking about Caleb Brown. I’ve looked for him in the hallways between every class, and analyzed that quick conversation we had about eighty thousand times. What was the meaning behind asking if I wanted a ride? Did he actually remember me when he visited The Magpie that time?
Was he suddenly thrown back to his childhood when we were friends and I’d had a huge crush on him and he didn’t know about it? Could he not get my face out of his mind until he remembered who I was?
I wanted to see him again, to run into him between classes and say hello and hope he’d tell me more of what was going on in his mind. Unfortunately, I didn’t see him at all except for during lunch. He sits at the longest table in the center of the cafeteria, surrounded by other jocks and cheerleaders and essentially every student at Sterling High who is so popular that everyone knows their names.
There was no way I was approaching him there. It didn’t stop me from sneaking glances at him, though. He didn’t seem to have a girlfriend, even though a girl sat next to him at lunch, stealing fries off his plate. She seemed more interested in the guy across from her, which made my heart beat a little faster. I don’t even know why I care—he’s not into me. There’s just no way.
But I’m a stupid teenager with stupid teenage hormones that won’t allow me to just live my life normally. No, I have to obsess over this gorgeous guy and the weirdly random event that happened this morning.
I’m still thinking about him when the final bell rings after school. I’m wondering if I should walk through the student parking lot instead of around it on the sidewalk. If I happen to pass by the red truck and Caleb is there, he might offer me a ride again. I’ll say no out of respect for April, but still – maybe it’ll give me the chance to talk to him.
I’m chewing on my lip and standing near the cypress tree where I meet April each day, still debating if I should try to find him or not when someone walks up to me.
“Hi there,” the guy says. He then promptly shoves his hands into the pockets of his khaki pants.
