Even though I’m pretty sure I’ve lost them, too.

“Sorry, Coach. I can’t ruin my life more than I have.”

I leave and he doesn’t stop me. I get in my truck and head straight home, grab my cash out from under my carpet, and then go to the nearest Home Depot. I buy everything on Clarissa’s list and get one of the workers to help me load it up in my truck.

While my old team is still having soccer practice, I drive my truck to the place where the greenhouse used to be. I back in, parking on the grass, and then one by one, I take out all of the green paneling, wooden beams, latches, screws, and nails. I take out the door hinges and the clay pots and I set it all down neatly.

Then, although I’m sweating my ass off, I load up all of the wreckage of what used to be the greenhouse. I see now, in the bright light of day, that these are new panels, too. Some even have the price stickers still on them. The wood is clean, the nails shiny, not rusted. This wasn’t some old shack like I thought it was when I was here in the middle of the night.

Clarissa put time into making this, and I ruined it.

I haul the broken parts to the dump on my way to work. And even though I know she won’t reply back, I take a photo of the materials and send it to her.

Me:I got everything on the list.