Chapter 21
It is a glorious day in the daycare world. Our worn-out Frozen DVD has now been overtaken by a much better movie. After years of the kids begging to watch Frozen, and years of wanting to superglue earplugs into my ears to avoid hearing those dumb songs, the movie has been dethroned. Moana is now all the rage, and I totally love it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure I’ll grow to hate the movie eventually. There’s only so many times you can watch the same thing at work each day. But for some reason the kids love the repetition.
While the dozen toddlers are all laying on the big circle rug and watching the movie, I prepare twelve cups of juice and twelve plates with crackers, cheese, and grapes on them for snack time. I love being at work because it helps me take my mind off things.
Lately, things at home are a little hard to get used to. Grandpa is getting depressed from not being able to see, and it breaks my heart. He hates having to ask us for help, but he can’t do most things by himself anymore. Mom is extra stressed about it, too. I’ve been doing what I can around the house to make both of their lives easier. And even though coming to work is usually stressful because kids are crazy and need lots of attention, lately it’s been my reprieve from everything else in my life.
I gather the kids up and have them sit at the tables for their snack. In my back pocket, my phone vibrates, but I don’t check it. Cell phones aren’t exactly forbidden at work, but I think it’s wrong to send flirty texts when I’m watching people’s children.
And I know it’s probably TJ texting me, because it’s always TJ texting me. He’s been all over me this week, walking me to class, texting me, and even sitting with me and Erin at lunch two times.
I don’t know how I feel about it. I’m trying really hard to like him, and I do like him a little. But it’s not like this instant love connection. He really seems to like me though, so I’m trying to get to know him better, trying to like him. I keep wondering if things would be different if I had never experienced the heartbreak from Shawn and Gavin. Would I like TJ more if my heart wasn’t already hurt?
Mrs. Bradley comes into the toddler room a second later, and I’m glad I didn’t take out my phone to check the text. Now I still look like a model employee. She smiles warmly at me.
“You wanna take off early?”
“Huh? Why would I do that?” My shift only started thirty minutes ago.
“Well, I thought you might want to help.”
“Help what?”
Now she looks just as confused as I do. “Help outside? Your greenhouse?”
I run to the window and peer outside. Gavin’s truck is parked in front of the greenhouse. He’s moving materials around and setting them into piles.
“Wow,” I say, my breath fogging the cold window. It’s only October but it’s been colder than usual lately. “I can’t believe he’s here.”
Mrs. Bradley doesn’t now the whole story, just that the guy who promised to help rebuild the greenhouse hasn’t done it yet. I turn to her. “Would you mind?”
“Of course not,” she says. “Stay on the clock since you’ll still be working on the greenhouse.”
I smile. “Thank you.”
I don’t know why I do it, but I head into the kitchen and make two mugs of hot chocolate. Then I make my way outside. It’s nearly six o’clock and the sun will be setting in about thirty minutes. In the time it took me to get over here, Gavin has turned on his truck’s headlights to use them as light.
My heart pounds as I get closer. He still hasn’t seen me. The smell of the hot chocolate makes my mouth water and I find myself hoping he’ll like it, even though I hate him and I shouldn’t care. It’s a special recipe that Mrs. Bradley uses and we make a big pot of it every day when it’s cold. The kids love it.
Finally, Gavin looks up. His cheeks are pink from the cold, and he’s only wearing jeans and a grey sweater when he really should have a jacket.
“Hi,” he says, almost as if he’s afraid to talk.
“Hello.” I hold out one of the paper coffee cups. Steam rises from the plastic lid. “Hot chocolate,” I say.
He takes one in his gloved hands. “Thank you.”
I gaze over the piles of building supplies as he takes a sip. “Wow, this is good.”
“I know,” I say, drinking from mine. “Secret recipe.”
“Clarissa I’m sorry it’s taken me so long.”
I look up at him, seeing nothing but desperation and worry in his eyes. He scratches the back of his neck. “Did you read my letter?”
I chew on my bottom lip, then shake my head. His letter is still sealed in the envelope. It’s shoved in the drawer of my nightstand. I don’t know why, but I can’t bring myself to read it right now. I guess I’m afraid it’ll make me stop hating him so much, and if I do that, then I’ll get hurt again. I can’t let myself fall for Gavin Voss another time. I just can’t.
