Chapter 22
There’s a new feeling in the air at my house. Maybe that’s just because the living room no longer smells like whiskey since Dad’s working during the day instead of drinking himself stupid on the couch. But I’m thinking it’s because things are starting to look up for my family. Mom is in a great mood and Dad actually went to sleep at a reasonable hour last night so he could get up early to go to work.
I can’t remember the last time my family went twenty four hours without screaming at each other. Now if only the rest of my life was coming together.
I spend a few minutes going over my homework in the morning. I have a test in English, History, and Chemistry today and I’m starting to think it’s cruel and unusual punishment for teachers to always test on the same day. Fridays, no less. Fridays are supposed to be a fun pre-weekend day. My grades have slipped like crazy since I took all those extra shifts at work, but now that I’m not going to work so much, I need to get my grades back up. I’ll need them for college scholarships since I can’t depend on a soccer scholarship anymore.
Studying keeps my mind off Clarissa, but as soon as I’m driving to school, I’m thinking about her again. Maybe it’s my imagination, but I can kind of smell the strawberry scent of her in my passenger seat from where she sat last night.
Last night was equal parts amazing and terrifying. Just being around her was like a miracle. It took every ounce of strength I had to keep my feelings tucked in close to my heart. She clearly hasn’t forgiven me yet, and I’m not sure she ever will. But if there’s a chance, I’m not going to ruin it by constantly asking if she wants to talk to me. I just need to keep my head down, do the work I promised her, and show her that I’m a good guy.
I repeat the words to myself as I sit in homeroom.I am a good guy. I am a good guy.
Because it really sucks when TJ walks into class with his arm slung around Clarissa’s shoulders. Somewhere keep inside me aches at the very sight of it. And then I notice her expression. Her lips twist and her eyes seem a little disturbed. Is she not happy that his arm is around her?
I watch her as she walks to her desk. Her gaze meets mine and she gives me the softest smile before sitting down. It makes my heart stampede around in my chest. TJ flops down in the desk to my left and promptly turns around to talk to Beau.
It sucks that I’m no longer in their friend group, but I study my chemistry textbook and keep up the charade that I don’t mind it at all. I know this saying is something my mom would have told me if I were five years old, but if they aren’t my friends now, then they’re not good friends to begin with. I’m fine without them, and without my soccer team. Any team who rats out one person while letting the other person get away isn’t a team I want to be a part of.
Today I actually listen to something in the announcements. Because the cold front blew in last night, there’s a heavy chance of snow this weekend. They’re cancelling all of the athletics activities just as a precaution.
Beau curses under his breath, says he was really looking forward to tonight’s game against the Bearcats.
“Dude, at least we get an unexpected Friday night off,” TJ says to him.
And then I get this weird psychic-like sense. TJ will probably ask Clarissa to hang out with him tonight since he’s free.
I decide I won’t let that happen.
I lean forward and tap Clarissa on her right shoulder so that she turns around with her back facing TJ.
“I’m thinking I might be able to finish the greenhouse tonight,” I say.
She looks at me curiously. “Really?”
I shrug. I have no idea if that’s true, I just need to talk to her before TJ does. “I think so.” I bite my lip. “Okay, maybe not.”
She smiles. “It’s a lot of work still, but putting up the siding doesn’t really take that long.”
“I’ll send you pictures of my progress,” I say, but what I wish I was saying is:Please come with me, I want another night with you for company.
She watches me for a moment. “I mean, I could come by and help?”
Yes.I swallow. “If you want to, yeah. But it’s supposed to be really cold so you don’t have to.”
“No, it’s okay. I want to.”
TJ’s dumbass voice butts in and ruins our conversation. “What are ya’ll two talking about?”
We turn to face him. “Just greenhouse stuff,” I say. Clarissa doesn’t say anything.
TJ’s eyebrows narrow. “What?”
“The greenhouse,” I say again. “I’m updating her on the progress.”
Again, his face is blank. Does he not know what I’m rebuilding it? Has she not told him?
This makes sparks dance in my heart. Maybe they aren’t as close as I’d feared. Clarissa would tell a guy about that kind of thing if they were really dating. But now, TJ is looking confused as hell and she’s not saying a word. She’s actually running her finger up and down the spiral binding of her notebook.
