Chapter 23
I can’t stop thinking about that strange talk I had with Gavin this morning. Our words replay in my mind as I go from class to class. As much as I want to be mad at him, I can’t ignore the fact that he’s hurting. I could see it all over his face.
His eyes, and the pain in them, haunts me as I work on my math test. I think about it during lunch when Erin talks nonstop and doesn’t seem to notice that I’m not adding to the conversation.
I’ve been avoiding reading his stupid letter, but I did keep it in my nightstand. I guess I’ve been wanting to read it, thinking that one day I might actually do it, otherwise I would have thrown it away. But I can’t ever bring myself to do that.
TJ catches me in the hallways before our last class. He’s all energetic like he always is at the end of the day. It’s the mornings when he’s sleepy and sluggish.
“Hey there,” he says, grinning at me from ear to ear. “How was your day?”
“I think I passed my math test.”
“Cool, cool.” He goes to put his arm around my shoulders, but I conveniently have to tie my shoe. It’s not even that loose, but I pull the shoelace and redo it anyway. I don’t want his arm around me right now. It’s so awkward. We’re not together-together. I don’t know what we are, but all the progress I’d made in trying to make myself like him went right out the door after that talk I had with Gavin today.
Only Gavin and I can have heartfelt talks like that. With TJ, everything is so superficial.
“You want a ride home after school?” he says.
I stand back up. “Um, no thanks.”
He looks offended, so I say, “I promised my friend I’d ride the bus with her so she can tell me some crazy story about her boyfriend.”
“Lame. We should hang out this weekend though, when you’re done with that jackass Gavin.”
I nod, but I don’t really feel it. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to care.
On the bus ride home, I sit alone like I usually do, and I text Livi in the hopes that it’ll take my mind off Gavin.
Livi:Dude! It’s totally going to snow tonight!
Me:Really?
Livi:the weather app says so. WOOT!
I switch to Gavin’s text and send him a message.
Me:Apparently it’s supposed to snow tonight so you should stay home and we’ll work on the greenhouse another night.
Contractor:This is Texas…even when it snows, it doesn’t snow that much.
Me:lol, I know but still. Just be safe and save it for another time
Contractor:if you insist
I stare at the phone for a long time, wanting to reply. But I don’t have anything to say. At least not right now.
As soon as I get home, I go to my nightstand and pull out the envelope. Before I can talk myself out of it, I rip it open and take out the letter. I push my door closed and sit on the bed, and then I read Gavin’s words three times to let it all sink in.
#
I hadn’t said anything to TJ when he texted me asking if he could stop by my house to hang out before going to the diner with his friends. I just texted backsure.
And then I waited.
Right around seven o’clock, TJ’s SUV pulls into my driveway. He’s never been inside my house, and I don’t plan to let him in this time. I pull on my heaviest winter coat and I meet him outside.
“Hey, beautiful,” he says, his breath making puffs of white smoke in the chilly air. “You gonna invite me inside, or are we gonna freeze out here?”
