Chapter 21
It’s so weird to me that people are happily going to see the movies in one part of the state when other people have been displaced and are losing their homes in another part. I guess that’s just how life works though. Somewhere there’s a war and chaos and destruction, and somewhere else a millionaire is enjoying a shopping spree at Tiffany’s.
I try to blend in with these people. I buy a ticket for some stupid kid movie because it’ll be lighthearted, and that’s exactly what I need right now. My boyfriend is with his ex, after all.
I keep replaying the last few minutes in my head. Ethan was waiting for me at the hotel and he seemed happy to see me, and then suddenly Kennedy was there. Why did he even let me upstairs if she was there? Why didn’t he text me saying it’s over so we could have avoided this whole mess?
It doesn’t make any sense.
And now my aunt is stuck with the Poes and I’ll have to go back there eventually because she doesn’t have a phone or a car of her own. I can’t just call her up and say meet me at my car because we’re gonna bail. Nope. Of course it couldn’t have been that easy.
I get a small popcorn just for something to do with my hands and I take a seat in the back of the theater. I’m not hungry but I eat anyway. I guess I think that if I pretend to be a normal person seeing a movie, then I’ll actually feel like it.
Tears linger in the back of my eyes, and I know it’ll only take a few seconds, one weak moment, and they’ll spring forth, wetting my face and ruining my day.
I grit my teeth. I eat a piece of popcorn. I will not cry.
I’m starting to think that college will be the best thing ever. It’s just the distraction I need from my old life. Ethan is now Kennedy’s, not mine. My home is no longer my home because it was destroyed, and my old life no longer matters. I’ll move to Dallas and I’ll start over.
Maybe I’ll convince my parents to move up there and get jobs and we can all just start over together and pretend the Poes never existed.
The theater lights dim and the previews begin. I watch the screen numbly, not really paying attention to the flashing colors and sounds. I don’t now why I’m even here. I thought seeing a movie would take my mind off the garbage fire that is my life, but it isn’t helping at all. Now I’m just stuck in a dark room with strangers, being forced to watch some kid movie when really I’d rather be crying and throwing things and mourning the end of my relationship.
I hate this. I hate it so much.
How could Ethan have done this to me? Even if he did think our relationship would be over soon since I’m moving to college and he’s staying in our hometown, he could have at least waited a few more days. I will be gone next week. He could have waited until then. Or he could have been the good person I always thought he was and just break up with me first. He could have even done it over text. It would have broken my heart, but at least he wouldn’t have cheated on me first.
A tear rolls down my cheek and I don’t bother wiping it away. This hurts like hell. Worse than any pain I’ve ever felt. Ethan was my soul mate and now he’s with Kennedy. It doesn’t even make sense.
I try to ignore the nagging thoughts that pry at my heartstrings, telling me that I should have expected it. That it makes sense because Ethan and I have been drifting apart. How could I have expected him to stay my boyfriend when I’m moving several hours away? Maybe this is just all my fault.
I swallow down the popcorn, bite after bite, until every single piece is gone. It doesn’t make me feel any better. I crumple up the bag and toss it into the seat next to me. I slouch down and try to focus on the movie. It’s one of those Pixar films with really good graphics that almost seems real. It’s just like my love life. It looks real, but it’s not.
Another tear falls.
This was a stupid idea. I don’t want to be here anymore. But I don’t have anywhere else to go.
A shadowy figure enters the theater and walks up the stairs in the center aisle. I’m not really paying attention until the person gets closer to my row all the way in the back. He steps into the row and I keep my gaze focused at the screen.
Ethan sits in the empty chair next to me. I continue to ignore him, although I guess I have to admire his tenacity. How did he even find me here?
He reaches across the armrest and takes my hand. I want to yank it away but the second his warm skin touches mine a floodgate of emotions pours through me. I know his hand almost as well as I know my own flesh. I’ve held his hand countless times. When I’ve been happy or sad or sick or cold. And even though I’m so mad and so unbearably heartbroken, I don’t pull away. I love the feeling of his hand in mine, his fingers interlaced between mine. A glimpse of what we used to be.
I hold onto his hand and I stare straight ahead at the movie. We sit here in silence as the rest of the film plays, and all the other people here have no idea what kind of tension is happening in the back of the theater. I don’t let go even though I alternate between wanting to punch him in the face and wanting to snuggle against his chest and beg him to tell me what I want to hear. That it’s over with Kennedy. That he chooses me instead.
I don’t do any of that.
I just sit here, holding on to the hand of the guy I love, until the credits roll.
Then I get up, and untangle my hand from his, and I walk away.
