”Our house wasn’t blue,” I say. “And it didn’t have a porch like that.”
”I know,” she says. “Just pretend. I miss our house.”
”We’re going to get another house very soon,” Jett tells her.
Her face lights up. “Really? This house?” she says, pointing to her drawing.
”Maybe it will look like that,” Jett says. “We are going to build a new house where our old house was, but before that one is ready, we will find a temporary house to live in.”
”Temporary?” she says, butchering the pronunciation. “What is temporary house?”
While Jett explains rental homes to our four-year-old, Arko checks out his empty water bowl. I get up and refill it for him and he drinks so sloppily that water goes everywhere. That is why I now keep a towel nearby. We’re also blessed to work at a family business that doesn’t care if we bring our dog every day.
Harper leaves her drawing with me so I’ll hang it on the wall, then she and Arko go back to the playroom. Jett has to get back to work, so I sit at the front counter checking out rental homes online. The thing about our beautiful little small Texas town is that it’s small. Not exactly a ton of rental homes around, but I find five rentals online that seem mildly promising. It’s just a rental, so it doesn’t need to be a dream home, it just needs to be a nice, safe space for our family.
After work, I show Jett and he agrees with the houses I chose.
“Should we call a real estate agent and set up appointments to view them this weekend?” I ask while twisting spaghetti around my fork. My mother-in-law’s spaghetti and meatballs are delicious. This is my second plate.
”Nope,” Jett says.
”What do you mean, no?”
”I’m leaving Friday morning, remember?”
”Oh. Right.” The stupid three day races. The potential for fifty thousand dollars isn’t stupid, which I remind myself. I have to tell myself that every time I remember that he’s going away this weekend. “I keep forgetting.”
”There’s a lot going on around here,” he says, glancing at his phone as it lights up with a notification. “Sometimes I forget, too.”
”Psh, yeah right.” I roll my eyes. “You seem very excited to get back to racing.”
”I like it, for sure. I’m more excited about the money, though.”
I finish my plate and take it over to the sink. I saw Bayleigh wrap up the leftover spaghetti and put it in the fridge after dinner. My stomach is totally full but I’m in full out stress-eating mode and kind of want to microwave another plate. I resist the urge though, and grab a bottle of water instead.
“Babe, is everything okay?” Jett wraps an arm around my waist.
”It’s just been a lot. And now you’re leaving so we can’t look at houses.”
”Let’s go look at them tomorrow. We’ll take the day off work.”
”Really?”
He nods, sliding his hand down to my butt. “Yes, ma’am. We can pick our favorite rental and sign the lease tomorrow. Then as soon as I get back, we can move in.”
”There is literally nothing to move in,” I say. “If anything, we can sign the lease and then I can start getting furniture delivered there.”
”Right,” Jett chuckles. “We’re gonna need everything.”
”I’ll do some shopping while you’re gone.”
“Hey.” He turns, wrapping his arms around my hips and pressing his forehead to mine while we stand in his parents’ kitchen. “Are you okay?”
”Mmhmm.”
It’s mostly the truth. I am okay. I’m alive, and healthy, and so is my family. We don’t have a home right now but we have a place to stay and the means to get a rental soon. Everything is great. Better than many other people who aren’t as fortunate. I shouldn’t even allow myself to wallow in self-pity over Jett going back to racing, and the horrible fear in my chest that he’s going to love the fame and travel more than he loves being home with me. Nope. I can’t let myself think about that. It’ll only lead to another panic attack and three sleepless nights while Jett is gone this weekend.
I take a deep breath, wishing I could exhale my worries as easily as I can exhale my breath.
