I have not left her side. My smokey hair and skin overwhelm the room with the scent of the fire that ravaged our life, but I can’t leave her to truly wash it away. Even just that fifteen minutes would be too much. They brought me water wipes that did little to clean me off and a set of scrubs to change into. I stripped down to my boxers right here in the corner of the room, discarding my fire-contaminated clothes. A kind nurse wearing proper PPE bagged them up and took them away. Nobody has tried to make me leave since then. So I sit, watchful and consumed with worry.
The doctors told me that she almost didn’t make it. Had we been just a few minutes longer, she would have died from the smoke inhalation. Seeing her intubated, IV line in her arm, laid out on the hospital bed makes me want to scream. Iwant to hold her in my arms, wrap her in a false safety that I cannot offer.
I can’t heal her, take away this suffering. I can’t protect her. I promised I would, and I failed her.
A white bandage on her neck and jaw makes me clench my own. Flames burned her delicate skin, touching her in the place that I have claimed as my own. The line I draw on her face to calm her, comfort her, reassure her, melt her. Now it will forever bear a scar, but I will not let it keep me from claiming her all the same.
She is still perfection, still my peace. My home.
Soft knocks at the door bring me out of my thoughts. Chief, Eli, and Danny, in uniform, walk into the room. Normally they only allow one or two people in at a time, but I guess you get special treatment when you’re cops and firefighters.
“Hey, Rem,” Danny says quietly. “I am so sorry, man.”
I can only give him a sharp nod, looking back to Lainey, feeling tears welling in my eyes. Words are too hard right now, especially for comfort or accepting condolences.
“We have some news,” Chief says, gruff and remorseful. That gets my attention, and I look over at the group of men, all their eyes already tracking me.
“What happened?” I ask.
“The fire, Rem. It was not an accident. It was arson,” Eli says.
“The doors?” I wonder.
“All the outer doors of the house were blocked, tampered with, and barricaded in some way. Poorly, albeit, but still. Also, the accelerator to start the fire was gasoline. We found the gas cans,” Chief explains.
“Whoever did it was not an expert in anything they were trying to do, but it was damaging none the less. And the fact that they blocked the doors? That bumps the charges fromarson to premeditated attempted murder.” Danny glances at Lainey. “All your security cameras were cut this time, so we didn’t get anything off of them from the uploaded material.”
“What the fuck,” I say rubbing my hands over my exhausted face.
“I’m so sorry, Rem,” Eli says.
“Well you know exactly who the hell it is,” I say in a whispered shout, anger rising. “It had to have been Cora, but she got smarter with the cameras this time. Go fucking arrest her, Danny!”
He shifts on his feet. “We went to her apartment right away, Rem. Thought the same thing.”
“And you arrested her, right?” I demand.
“No ... She—Cora was dead, Rem,” Danny says, quietly. The news blows me back in my chair.
“What?” I mutter in disbelief.
“Drug overdose. She’d been there at least forty-eight hours. It couldn’t have been her, Rem. We also found evidence that she owed a lot of money to some bad people, like her dad told you. She had a plan taped to her fridge of ways to get money. The top one was marry you and useyourmoney,” Danny says.
“Then who the fuck else would do this to us then?” I lament.
“We are going to find out, I promise,” Chief says, clapping his hand on my back, and I slump forward, face in my palms feeling a wave of nausea overtake my system.
“Did they check you out, too?” Eli asked, concern lacing his voice.
“They did.” I nod. “I had a little smoke inhalation, but I’m fine.” They all nod too, knowing that I understand the drill, what to look out for. Plus I am camped out in the goddamn hospital, if I need anything for myself, which I won’t, all I need to do is sound the alarm.
“I took Ash to the vet. He said Ash needs lots of rest but will make a full recovery,” Eli says. I look up at him, overwhelmed with guilt that I hadn’t even thought of our dog. “It’s fine.” He reassures me, sensing my guilt. “You need to be here, all attention on Lainey. Matt and Jess are taking care of Ash for now. The boys are thrilled about it.”
“Thanks, man,” I say shaking my head, foggy with so many emotions.
“I am going to run home, then to the station and get you some things, change of clothes and all that. You need to clean up, man. Can’t have Lainey wake up to you looking and smelling like that.” I roll my eyes at him. “Kendra is getting a bag of stuff together for Lainey, too. She said she will bring it up later today,” Eli tells me, looking over at the machines beeping next to Lainey’s bed.
“We appreciate it, thanks,” I say, speaking for both of us.
