I had thought going back to work would be the answer, but I am still hollow. He’d been everywhere; now he is nowhere.
I cleaned the whole place again. Not because I want to, but because I think maybe clearing out the last remnants will help. A sort of spiritual exorcism through disinfectant.
It doesn’t help.
It just makes the silence louder.
On Sunday, I impulsively called Claudia hoping for some guidance. I hang up before she answers. I can’t handle human company, even though I need it.
She arrives anyway without being invited.
She doesn’t knock. She just lets herself in with that key I had lent her last week. I hear her shuffle behind me–she’s found me on the couch, wearing the same hoodie I hadn’t taken off in days.
She looks at me, says nothing, then hands me another homemade pastry and sits down beside me.
“Is this grief?” I ask her eventually, mouth full of almond croissant.
She shrugs. “Looks like it.”
“He wasn’t real, though.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Wasn’t he?”
“I mean, hewas. But not… you know.Realreal. Like, he was a ghost.”
“He was real to you.”
I say nothing and just stare at the half-empty bin beside the couch. I wish it would rattle. Whisper. Smirk.
I say softly, “He mattered. Made me laugh. Made me feel… wanted.”
Claudia reaches over and squeezes my hand. “Then he was real. Curse or no curse. Bin-bound Spirit or not.”
I don’t cry. Not then. I had already used up my tears that morning on the floor of the shower, after I had cleaned everything but before I had called Claudia. But something shifts inside me, like a pressure valve has released. Like maybe I don’t have to keep pretending I am fine.
She stays for hours. Made a pot of tea. Lit candles. And she forced a reading of my tarot, even though I hated that shit. Do you blame me? It’s a result of having an Etsy witch as an ex.
Every card she had pulled had fire in it. Passion. Change.The Towerhad come up, of course. AndDeath. AndThe Loversreversed.
“He’s not coming back,” I say as she pulls a face.
“No, the Bin-Spirit isn’t,” Claudia says glumly. “But you’re still here.”
Later, just before she leaves, she kisses my forehead and whispers, “Call me when you’re ready to let him go. I’ll help you do it right.”
I nod.
I’m not ready. Not yet.
Chapter 19–Bins of a Tether
Another week passes, but at least by the end of this week, I finally feel ready to ask Claudia to help me let him go. I had approached her desk at work, but her suggestion takes me by surprise.
“A séance!?” I shout far too loudly in the front office foyer.
The room turns to look at me. I lock eyes with a few people, but it’s raining and most are returning from the office from their lunch breaks–soon, they continue their way, shaking the rain from their umbrellas or heading toward the kitchen for a cup of coffee or tea to keep them warm.
Claudia doesn’t even blink.
