Ivy sat her bowl on the coffee table in front of the couch, and Cleo held her gaze as she did the same.
She cleared her throat and dropped her gaze to her hands which lay clenched together in her lap. Cleo reached out and pressed her fingers apart so that she could hold one of her hands between her own.
“I know we’ve spoken about pretty much everything over the past month…” Ivy’s voice was suddenly wavering. “But, before we take this further, I feel like I should tell you about the one thing I’ve made a conscious effort to avoid talking about.” She swallowed, loudly, as her heart pounded in her ears.
“Growing up, my parents had great expectations of me and my brother. We went to the best schools, we participated in the “right” extracurriculars, we were always on our best behavior because it was the only way we were noticed and accepted, and it was the only way we got what we considered to be their love.” Ivy felt the squeeze of Cleo’s hand, encouraging her to continue. “When I was in college, and started working for Lucas, my family were less than impressed. You see, my family has incredibly high standards, and they viewed working in the service industry as below me. They werehorrifiedwhen they discovered that I not only had a job, but that Iservedpeople.” Ivy glanced up at Cleo, whose face was calm and reassuring, and she felt Cleo’s thumb gently rub back and forth over the back of her hand. The soothing motion allowing Ivy the courage to continue. “After thefirst few months in college, I knew that it wasn’t for me. They had insisted that I study business and marketing as a double major, just like my parents, and just like my brother.”
Ivy took a breath, bracing herself for the emotions which were already starting to work their way into her throat to come out. She had spent the past decade pushing them down, burying them deep within her and refusing to let them out. Until Cleo came along.
“One weekend, I finally broke. Midterms were coming up, while I’d never been on any official dates, I knew without a doubt that I was gay. I just hadn’t felt the need to come out to my parents.” She paused and took a drink from her glass of water on the coffee table and glanced at Cleo as she sat it back down and noticed her simply nod gently at Ivy to continue when she was ready.
“I took a trip home, deciding to tell them how unhappy I was at college, I wasn’t planning to come out to them yet, but things don’t always happen as planned.” Ivy let out a flat huff of laughter. “We were all sitting at the dining table, my parents were asking my brother and I how we were getting on with our studies and work. My brother is a few years older than me. He was always top of his class with near perfect marks in every exam and he got a non-entry-level job straight out of college. I couldn’t take the pressure of trying to live up to him anymore. When I told them that I wanted to leave school and go into business with Lucas, well, I knew they were going to be mad, but I’d never expected what happened next. They accused me of following my boyfriend and being a fool for giving up the opportunities that had been handed to me my entire life. I snapped. I told them that if the opportunities they were offering came with such a tight leash, then I didn’t want any of them. I then stood up from the table and with suchangerandhurtthat I never knew had been inside me, informed them that Lucas wasnotmy boyfriendbecause I was only romantically interested in women.” Ivy let out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding as Cleo reached out and wiped a tear that had tumbled down her cheek. Ivy leaned into her gentle touch.
“My parents lost it then. All the while my brother just sat there, watching it all play out.Smirkingthrough the whole thing, like he was somehowhappyabout what was happening to me. I don’t remember all of what they said, my brain shut down under the onslaught of anger and shouting, but the one part I still remember is when they said no daughter of theirs would be a college dropout, nor would she be sodisgustingas to lay with anyone other than a man. Unless I sorted myself out andfell in line, then I couldn’t possibly be their daughter.” At that admission of the statement she hadn’t let herself think of or speak since that night, she finally let her tears fall.
Cleo’s arms wrapped around her before she realized she’d let go. She sobbed, time slipping away until she couldn’t tell if it had been minutes or hours. All she knew was that, for the first time in years, her heart felt safe. Finally, when the tears subsided, Ivy pulled back from their embrace and laced their fingers together again as she sat up to look Cleo in the eyes. “That was what caused me to shut down for the past decade and not let anyone get close. That was why I never went on dates, because I didn’t want to have to go through this every time someone got close enough that I may have felt like I should tell them. So, I shut that part of my life down completely and only had the occasional one-night stand just to feel something, to make sure I wasn’t completely numb to the world. They had made me feel like the love I wanted, and needed, was somehowwrong. That my being a drop-out made me a failure. That without those things I wasn’t worthy of their love.” Ivy sighed before continuing. "But then you came along, and for the first time ever, I knew that I wantedmore. Then I got to know you, and I knew you were the one person that I felt like Ineededto open up to.”
Cleo let go of Ivy’s hands and reached up, softly cupping Ivy’s face in her hands. She leaned forward and kissed Ivy in such a way that meant the world. It was a kiss full of support, and understanding, and there was something more there that Ivy dare not even hope for. When they pulled apart, Cleo’s hands remained on her face, and Ivy’s hands were wrapped around each of Cleo’s wrists, holding her there.
“I can’t imagine what kind of pressure you felt growing up, or what struggles you endured after being disowned from your family simply by wanting to be happy with your life. But the beautiful woman I thank my lucky stars for every day carries none of the cruelty she had to endure at far too young an age. You’re incredible Ivy, thank you for trusting me enough to open what couldn’t have been an easy wound.”
Ivy’s eyes filled with tears again, but this time they were ones of relief and more notably, happiness.
Chapter 37
Cleo
Cleo had been prepared for tonight to be tough emotionally, and she planned on opening up to Ivy. She hadn’t counted on Ivy letting her into her own heart first. Or with such a heartbreaking story of her past.
It was then that any doubt she had earlier completely disappeared. Ivy had shown her a level of trust Cleo haddreamed of having for so long that she knew tonight had to be the night she opened up to Ivy, too.
She leaned forward and kissed the woman in front of her who looked like the weight of the world had just been lifted from her shoulders. She just hoped she wasn’t about to replace it with her own.
Cleo took a breath and whispered, “I was married.”
She was barely aware of Ivy taking in a sharp breath over the sound of her own heart pumping loudly in her ears.
“Her name was Lauren. We met in my first year of college. She was a year ahead of me. I was drawn to her confidence, and the way she commanded the attention of any room she walked into was just… enthralling. We moved in together after less than a year. Sharing an apartment was a new experience for me, but it was everything I wanted when I was nineteen and in love for the first time. We both ended up working in the same firm, and shortly after my first year of working there, just when I turned twenty-six, we got married. The wedding was bigger than I wanted, louder than I wanted, but I’d have done anything to make her happy, including letting her have whatever she wanted. Which turned out to include my best friend, Megan.” Cleo paused as she heard Ivy whisper a softoh no. “We were married for two years when I caught them in bed together.”
Cleo’s eyes filled with tears, but she clenched her jaw tight and blinked furiously, not wanting to let a single tear fall. She had shed more than enough of them over her past already. It didn’t deserve to have a single additional tear drop because of it.
“In the end, the divorce happened without any issues. Lauren didn’t fight me on a single thing, and left me our old house which I sold to move into this one. She didn’t look for anything from our joint account. She completely disappeared, and I’ve not seen or heard from her in six years. The office got harder to be in after that. The walls have eyes and ears there, and the gossips wereunbearable. That’s why I left and set-up my own business.” Cleo sniffed back the tears as they tried to escape her eyelids.
“It was Megan who caused the real hurt. We had been best friends since we were kids. She grew up not far from my parent’s house, so we spent almost every day together. I went with her family on trips sometimes. Our families spent weekends together in the summer, hanging out in the garden until it got dark then we’d head inside until well after midnight. She studied science and ended up going into teaching. She thrives working with kids, and she makes them fall in love with science too. After it happened, she was relentless. For three months I got calls and texts every day, desperate for a chance to explain.”
Cleo reached for her drink and Ivy rubbed her thumb across the back of her Cleo’s hand. The small gesture providing just enough courage for to continue. “In the end, I blocked her number. It was too hard to keep reliving it. She then reached out through her parents and mine, tried to get Jade and Evan to get me to talk to her. It wasn’t that they were on her side, but they made the decision to listen to her because she was their friend too. I didn’t want to. I couldn’t.” A tear escaped and slowly trailed a line down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly as she looked at Ivy.
“She took a job with a company that has her travelling between different schools in a few different cities, doing science projects with the kids, like summer camp. So, I haven’t seen her in years, but she’s back,” Cleo laughed sadly, “she’s teaching Soph at the moment.” Ivy made a face ofdoes Sophie know, and Cleo shook her head gently. “Neither of them know who the other is. Sophie loves science, it’s her favorite thing in the world. It’s just hard to hear her rave about this amazing new project teacher she has, knowing that same person shattered my world into pieces over a single night of stupidity.”
Cleo took a deep breath and let it go, repeating it a few times until she was ready to speak again.
“Remember when I said that the last first date I had been on, was so long ago, that ours practically counted as my first? That was because it has been sixteen years since my first date with Lauren. I haven’t been on a date since the divorce. Anytime I looked at another woman the only thought in my head was, can I trust her? Will she hurt me too? I couldn’t even bring myself to handle it well when a woman flirted with me. I’d just apologize and walk away. I wasn’t myself for a long time after. Then a human ray of sunshine crashed into me when I tried to go into her coffee shop one day, and it was like a fog disappeared. Suddenly, a weight was lifted from my chest, and I didn’t even know her yet.”
Ivy blushed as her smile beamed while Cleo continued. “You asked me on our second date, before dragging me down a creepy side street if I trusted you. I told you I was getting there. Trust isn’t an easy thing for me to give, and now you know it's because the two people I trusted most in my world at the time didn’t just break it, they shattered it beyond repair. I feel like you’ve shown me it’s ok to trust again. That maybe, someday,” Cleo took a deep breath as she looked at the warmth in Ivy’s eyes as she said, “you could be the one I trust with my heart again.”
Ivy leaned forward and softly kissed Cleo, before resting their foreheads together as she gently spoke. “You may not have known the pain I went through losing my family the way I did, but Cleo,nobodyshould lose as much as you lost, the way that you did. It doesn’t surprise me that you protected yourself from the world for so long. What does surprise me, is your ability to keep going after it all.” Ivy sat back and held Cleo’s gaze as she continued. “You stayed at the office for months after it happened, enduring horrible reminders at work and home every day, yet you kept going. You’re amazing. Please hear me when Isay, that if one day you choose to trust me with your heart, I will keep it safe in my chest as you’ll be taking care of mine at the same time.” Ivy smiled.
Cleo noticed a blush creep up Ivy’s neck as she seemed to be steeling herself to say something else but paused.
