“About what it means to you,” he clarified and Reno still took a moment to catch up. He frowned at Jaewon, shuffled himself a little to prop his back against the couch’s armrest, and gathered his thoughts.
“Why not ask Arnaud?” Reno said, hoping maybe Jaewonhadasked Arnaud and he didn’t need to explain everything in detail.
“It feels too personal.” Jaewon shook his head, one of his straight brows arched up as he turned to stare Reno down. “This isn’t like you and Seb, is it?”
“No,” Reno replied, flatly. “Seb and I lasted for two weeks. This isn’t like that.”
“How do you know?”
Reno pinched his lips together and tried to find a way to word how he was feeling. “You’ll just make fun of me.”
“Eo?6.” Jaewon didn’t deny it. “If I didn’t make fun of you my life would be much more dull.” He put an arm on the back of the couch and Reno noticed he needed to repaint his nails. Maybe he’d offer to do it for him if this conversation went well. Jaewon continued, “What is it about this guy? Who even is he?”
“He’s Luka.”
“That doesn’t tell me who he is. Who is he to you?”
Reno looked away and to the opposite wall. “I’m still figuring that out. You know how I, um, joke sometime?”
“Please be more specific.”
“About me being in a relationship, when I get asked by friends or interview. I always brush the question off, saying there’s only one person I’d think about dating at this point and it’s impossible.”
“Yes. You’ve never explained what that meant or anything, not even to us.” Jaewon started braiding the other side of his hair.
“Because it was always nonsense, sort of.” Reno reached off the side of the couch, pulled his duffel bag closer, retrieved a pack of hair ties, and tossed them onto Jaewon’s lap. “I met Luka after a show our first U.S. tour and he was, I dunno, attractive. Alluring. Hell if I get why he stuck out like that, so all these years I made it a private not-serious fantasy to just pretend I was waiting to run into him again to start an epic romance. Really, Iwas just avoiding answering questions about my love life. But it was fun to think about him.”
“Then you saw him again.” Jaewon tied a braid into place and gave Reno a look he was all too familiar with. It said Jaewon thought he was insane.
“Un?7.” Reno shrugged. “Look, I didn’t expect to see him again. It was just one of those silly make-believes in my head I like doing. Nothing about Luka was real, other than I really did meet him long time ago. There was never an expectation to see him again but it kept my interest looking out into the crowd to maybe catch his eye. Every time someone asked me who I was looking for I’d saysomeoneand think of him. Every time someone asked me if I was dating, I’d say ‘no, I’m waiting forsomeone’and I’d think of him. So when he did actually pop up, I couldn’t help but act like an idiot.”
Jaewon took his time before responding.
“You should seek help. Maladaptive daydreams aren’t a healthy basis for your life.”
“You’re so mean.” Reno shoved his leg into Jaewon’s stomach and Jaewon started laughing.
“I don’t actually think you need help. I do however worry you’re putting this guy on a pedestal. I mean, you don’t know him. He could be just trying to use you. He could end up likeher. What if?—”
“You’re precious,” Reno interrupted, “worrying over me like that. Don’t you think it’s my right to find out, though?”
Jaewon made a thoughtful noise then started another braid.
“So what if he turns out like Joy? Isn’t it fun finding out if someone is going to be good or not? Plus, he’s nice. He doesn’t treat me like I’m inhuman.”
“The bar is so low.”
Reno huffed. “You’re telling me. It’s almost all we can hope for when this is our lives.” He waved around the bus to theirinstruments and outfits laid out for the night. “It might not work out, but what if it does? I… I feel a lot, you know this. Heart on sleeve. What if he takes care of that?”
“Don’t give him your heart so fast,” Jaewon warned, his dark eyes serious as he looked Reno over before pulling a tie out of the baggie and finishing off the braid. “I don’t think I can watch you get hurt like that again.”
“Seb didn’t hurt me.”
“Not what I’m talking about. You were a mess after Joy. The proof is you not dating for over ten years after her, excluding your stupid fling with Seb.” Jaewon wagged a finger at him before parting the next section of his hair. “Your hookups don’t count, either. You’re still damaged from that bitch. This man might make it worse.”
“I am not,” Reno protested and swung his legs off of Jaewon’s lap. “I just haven’t been interested in anyone like that again until now.”
“You’re not normal, ttolai?8.”
