“I know I’m worth a lot," Luka defended himself. “Just, objectively, not worth as much as Reno. He literally has monetary value on his existence—I’m just a guy with gender dysphoria and some art skills that don’t get me anywhere important. It’s not illogical to believe that my value is less than his.”
August groaned in frustration. “Capitalist brain rot! Your value isn’t about monetary worth. I’m poking holes in your logic, dude. Worth in a human has nothing to do with what you produce or how much money you can make with the things you produce; it has to do with how you treat people, and I watch you give yourself to everyone you love over and over and never ask for anything back. You could never pick up a brush again, and I’d still find you valuable.”
Luka felt his throat go a little tight and had to take a deep breath.
“Would you still like Reno if he never played music again?”
Luka had to sit for a moment and think. “It’s disturbing to think of him not playing or writing anymore, it’s like, wired into his soul. I’m not sure you could separate it from him.”
“You’ve said the same thing about you and making art. It doesn’t change my question.”
“Then, yeah.” Luka still couldn’t wrap his mind around the man who played for him over the phone for hours, never touching music again. “I would still like him.”
“Then his real value doesn’t come from the things he makes. I don’t think you’re dumb enough to like someone who isn’t kind.”
“Look at my exes.” Luka hopped off the counter and turned to check his hair in the mirror. “They weren’t kind in the end.”
“You’ve grown a lot in a year,” August argued. “Also, it’s not your fault for being fooled by those assholes.”
Luka disagreed but chose not to fight August about it.
“I finished my draft today.” He changed the subject to something safer. “Looks like the final will be around sixty pages.”
“That's so much work, again, you are crazy,” August said. “I don’t understand you comic artists, you’re all sick in the head drawing the same characters one million times in slightly different poses.”
“Sure am,” Luka agreed. “I’ll be sending out my roughs to a new agent, an online friend recommended to me. Said she might like my style. I don’t expect anything, but if I could finally get rep, maybe I could land a publishing house gig.”
“Sounds promising, you doing digital or?”
“Watercolor, ink. I remembered to pack it all too, so I can try to finish some pages while I’m out there.”
August grunted. “You shouldn’t work on your vacation.”
Luka shrugged.“It doesn’t feel like work, really. I’m gonna rinse my hair out. Book the Stonehenge thing for me? Doesn’t matter what day.”
August looked like they had more to say, but in the end agreed. “Two tickets? Okay, two tickets. Don’t stay up too late, we head to the airport at four am.”
“Gotcha. Goodnight, love you.” Luka pulled the hair tie out of his hair and turned the shower on as August left to go to bed. He realized as he washed the dye from his hair that he was shaking. After working a deep conditioner into his hair, he sank to the tub’s floor and let the water hit his back as he curled in on himself.
It was like Reno said; it would take time. Only time and experience would truly tell Luka if Reno was being truthful about his intentions. Luka had promised Reno he would givehim the chance to prove that he meant it all, and as weird as it was to Luka, Reno certainlyactedlike he was into him. Sometimes the thought that he was just some kind of plaything for a celebrity floated through his mind and terrified Luka. He wanted to tell Reno all of these fears, but the last time he’d told an ex about his insecurities, he’d had them thrown right back in his face.
It would be so easy for someone like Reno to take advantage of someone like Luka, to trap him in a bad situation so far away from home, to rip away financial stability with promises of caretaking, then treat him like a sex doll. It was haunting to think about.
Still, Luka couldn’t stop saying ‘yes’.
Because, at every turn, every day, Reno met him with understanding and kindness. And Luka couldn’t help but think that no matter how slim, there was always that chance that Reno meant it all, that he would be the person he was promising to be. Luka let out a shaky breath and pushed himself off the floor to rinse his hair out.
It might be real.
And, if it wasn’t, at least he got to sleep with Reno. Luka laughed to himself in disbelief every time he thought about it. He figured—if he was that kind of person—it gave him bragging rights for the rest of his life.
Maria
You still up?
Yeah, whats up? its only ten here.
right sorry, I always forget the time diff. I think i'm having a crisis.
