A rush of anger has me fisting my hands for a moment to distract myself before I trace the muscles in his back through his shirt. He’s alive, he’s safe, and that’s all that matters.
At least until his uncle gets parole and is set free again.
No, I can’t let myself think about that now, or I’ll hurt someone.
“Sometimes, I used my silence to punish him, which he didn’t like much. So one night, he turned the tables on me, and from that moment onwards, he would hurt my siblings if I made a noise. Even the slightest cough. Some days, when he was bored, he lashed me with his belt until I bled. If I cried out or made a noise, he would rape my sister.”
Ice runs through my veins, and my hands still on his back.
Arkin swallows, and when he speaks again, his voice is a whispered rasp. “So… I stopped talking.”
His uncle stole his voice.
“It was the only way you could protect them,” I reply, and he dips his lips to mine.
“Yes…”
“After I finally escaped and alerted the authorities, things moved fast. My uncle and his wife were arrested shortly after and charged with child neglect, abuse, and sexual assault of a minor, amongst a slew of other charges. I thought we were safeand out of harm’s way, but then they separated us, and I’ve had limited contact since.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, wishing there was some way I could change what happened to him. Some way to ease the pain. Of course there isn’t. All I can do is listen.
“There was an inquiry at the time, and child services had been alerted on numerous occasions, but they’d failed to act.” He kisses me again as if he needs to inhale me to keep from suffocating, and when he breaks away again to press his forehead against mine, I remove the cap and thread my fingers through his soft hair.
“I lost everything,” he admits in a haunted voice. “My parents, my siblings, my voice. I thought the hardest times were in that house—and they were, don’t get me wrong—but after my siblings were adopted, I found myself alone in a group home with kids I couldn’t communicate with because I was too frightened to speak, and a bleak, uncertain future. It felt like I’d failed my family somehow.”
“You saved them,” I say with conviction. “You got them out of there. That was all you, baby. Don’t let the voices win. It’s not your fault your uncle is a monster. You did everything right.”
This time when he kisses me, I melt into the potent agony seeping from him and into me through every hard, demanding sweep of his tongue. “Thank you for trusting me,” I say as he kisses a trail down my neck.
His lips return to my mouth, quivering and soft. “I feel safe with you here.”
Shielded by the night.
“This is our place.”
More kisses and sweet whispered confessions. “I’ve wanted to talk to you for so long,” he admits. “I’ve wanted to answer your questions. To make you smile and laugh, like your family andfriends. It frustrated me when my throat would close up and the words wouldn’t come.”
“Well…” I brush a strand of hair away from his brow. “Then let’s drive out here more often at night.”
Arkin rolls off me, and I snuggle into his side. The sky will lighten soon, but we still have time before we need to head back. I want to savor every moment with him here, where he feels safe enough to escape his demons for a little while.
Lost in thought, he strokes his fingers over my shoulder in a soothing, absent-minded rhythm. “It wasn’t always a choice not to speak,” he says with a soft exhale. “There were times afterwards when I wanted to engage in conversation, but something stopped me, and I couldn’t break down the barrier that kept me from voicing the thoughts in my head.” He stares up at the twinkling stars, his other arm cushioning his head. “It’s difficult to make friends when you’re like me. Kids my age would call me a retard and other hurtful things. All the while, I wanted to shout, I know how to speak. Because I did. I just couldn’t get over the fear of what would happen if my uncle found out about it.” He hesitates a moment. I stay silent out of respect, sensing there’s more he wants to say.
Eventually, he clears his throat. “You must think I’m ridiculous.”
My brows crash together, and I push onto my elbow. “I would never think that of you. Everyone responds differently to traumatic experiences.”
He looks unsure, his throat rolling, and then he reaches up to trail his fingers over my jawline. “I’m not sure I can talk when we leave here. I want to be able to promise you that, but I don’t think I can.”
“Baby, you don’t have to promise me anything. If this is the only place where you feel safe”—I nudge my chin at the ruins surrounding us—“then we’ll come here every night to talk. Noone else has to find out. It’ll be our secret.” When he looks at me, a warm, slightly mischievous smile curves my mouth. “I think I like that idea, actually.” I lean down slowly and brush my lips over his, whispering, “I like your voice, Ark. I like that it’s only mine until you’re ready to share it with the world. But mostly…” Our noses brush, and he exhales against my lips as he pulls me on top of him. “I like that you feel safe with me.”
No more words are spoken after that. We undress beneath the blanket of stars, kissing and fumbling with our clothes. I rip my top off, and then I’m yanking on his belt. Arkin matches my fire, and as our souls finally become one, a mild breeze sweeps through the abbey.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
The following Saturday, we visit the nearest theme park with Ryan, Harrison, and my sister. The last time we were here was years ago, on a school trip.
Since the moment we arrived, Ryan has been on a mission to convince Arkin to go on the biggest rides. The evil glint in his eyes positively gleams as he pats him on the back. “What do you say, mate? Start with the thrill rides and leave the others to enjoy the teacups and the Jungle Cruise?”
