“Arkin was entrusted into our care on a temporary basis because he’s a vulnerable member of society. Our home was supposed to be a safe space for him.”
“I didn’t?—”
“I know,” Mum says. “I know you didn’t make our home unsafe. That’s not what I’m trying to say. But uhm…” Her shoulders rise and fall on a tired sigh. “It wasn’t the right time, son. Arkin has a lot of trauma in his past that he needs to work through before he’s ready for the world. He lost his parents and suffered severe abuse under his uncle’s care. Then he lost his siblings, the only family he had remaining, and was left in a group home. He deserved more than that. So much more.”
I don’t want to hear this because it hurts. Each sentence, each word, jabs like a dull knife.
“He has a chance now at getting to know this extended family. And by all accounts, they’re good people.”
“What about me?”
I know it sounds selfish and immature or whatever. But it’s not fair that he was taken from me.
Mum’s eyes glisten with tears. “I’m sorry.”
“He spoke to me, Mum.”
Her tears spill over. “He spoke?”
I nod, flexing my jaw. “It took him a long time, but he eventually dared to speak again.”
Mum’s smile is wobbly. “Well, hopefully now, his family will get him plenty of support and care?—”
“You don’t get it.” My voice is forceful. “He trusted me. He doesn’t trust them.”
“Zach…” She tries to reach for my hand again, but I pull away.
“If he can’t come back here, I’ll go to him.”
“I think you need to give him time. Give love a little trust.”
“You think I should do nothing?”
“No, I think you should trust in Arkin and the love that you shared.” She captures my gaze. “He will come back to you. When the time is right.”
“God’s perfect timing and all that,” I spit.
Mum laughs lightly. “Something like that.” She pats my knee. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it will get easier. I promise you.”
I almost scoff, but even that takes effort I don’t have.
“Your sister is worried about you,” she tells me softly. “Can I tell her it’s safe to come in here? That you won’t bite her head off?”
I give a barely there nod. “Yeah, sure.”
Somewhere deep down, guilt gnaws at me for shutting my sister out. I never meant for her to get caught in the crosshairs.
“Take a shower,” Mum says, looking at me in a way I know she means business. “You’re stinking up my house.”
As she leaves my room, a small smile tries to peek out like a ray of sunshine from behind the thick storm clouds.
Even though my heart feels as if it’s been ripped clean from my chest, I know I can’t rot away in my room forever. The horrifying thought of facing the outside world makes me flop back onto the bed with a pitiful groan.
How do I move on from the persistent ache in my somehow hollow chest? Who knew it was possible to feel nothing yet everything all at once? I had no idea until Arkin walked out of my life.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Months pass. The messages I send Arkin remain unread. I still text him, though, because it feels good. Almost like he’s there on the other end of the line.
