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I raised my head. “Are you serious? That must have been miserable.”
“It was.” His deadpan expression made me laugh.
“No worse than being surrounded by your face any time I was in my room.”
He smirked. “Touché.”
I settled back into his chest, and he whispered, “Sleep, baby.”
“Don’t let go of me.”
“I won’t.”
Soon after, his steady heartbeat helped me drift to sleep.
Chapter Eighteen
Sawyer
I lay splayed on Kurt’s chest, basking in the feeling of being in his arms again. Last night seemed like a dream. And true to his word, he hadn’t let go of me all night. In the light of day, there was something I wondered about. “Can I ask you a question?”
The muscles in Kurt’s chest tightened. Cautiously, he said, “Sure.”
Raising my head, I asked, “Why are you tense?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. You’re not the only one who’s afraid this is a dream.”
It was weird seeing the normally self-assured man I’d grown to care for afraid my feelings for him might not be real. I had so many questions.
“Can I ask why?” I sat up, pulling the sheet around me.
Kurt’s eyes dipped to my chest. “I like seeing your tits uncovered.”
“I’m sure you do. And maybe I’ll reward you after we talk.”
Shifting, Kurt popped his knuckles. “About why I don’t want to ever get married?”
“For starters.”
For a second, Kurt stared at the ceiling. Since I knew this was difficult for him, I waited for him to continue. “My dad took off when I was young. It nearly killed my mom. I found her trying to commit suicide multiple times. She thought her life wasn’t worth living without my fuckwad of a father.”
Wow. I had no idea. Hearing this shredded my heart, but I fought to keep the sympathy out of my eyes. That would only shut Kurt down. Knoah had never mentioned anything, and I wondered if she knew how bad it had been. “So, is your sperm donor still alive?”
“Yes. He reaches out every year on my birthday to try to make amends.”
I cringed; it was coming up again soon. Kurt’s birthday was in the beginning of Ap
ril. Things were slowly making sense. “So, because your parents’ marriage fell apart and it affected your mom, you won’t ever marry?”
I saw the fear in Kurt’s eyes, so I was quick to clarify. “I’m not pushing. Hell, we’ve been together for like twelve hours. Marriage is for sure not on my list this morning. But if we’re going to give ourselves the best chance possible, I would like to understand. If it’s too soon, just tell me. I think it’ll be easier to navigate our relationship if we understand what we want and can find a middle ground.”
Kurt remained silent.
“For instance, I want to be in a committed relationship. But I don’t want kids.”
A little of the tension eased from Kurt’s face. “You don’t?”
“No, I don’t. No desire.”
