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It had been too long since I’d seen Cameron, and with the mess with my parents, I hadn’t realized how much I needed to know he was still on my side.
“I love you, Sawyer. Never doubt it.”
I pulled back and nodded with a watery smile. “I know. It’s just good to give you an actual hug.” Wiping my eyes, I took a dramatic smell. “Oh, that smells yum to the tum.”
We walked into the kitchen as Monica was setting the pasta bowl on the table. “Do you need any help?”
“I don’t think so. How was your trip?” She took off her apron and placed it on the counter. She would be the perfect wife for Cameron—Suzy Homemaker at her finest.
“Great. It’s nice to be home. But I enjoy being on the road with the band.”
And with Kurt. Especially with Kurt.
We sat and began to eat. I felt like a ticking time bomb, waiting to disclose the big news. My palms were sweating, and I ran them along my thighs as I looked at Kurt. He had the Oh shit look again. Yeah, oh shit. We forgot.
“So, what have you guys been up to?” Cameron asked as he brought a forkful of spaghetti to his mouth.
Just rip it off like a Band-Aid. Get it over with. I took a deep breath. “Kurt knocked me up.”
Around the table, forks dropped, and Kurt nudged my leg with his and turned my way. “Very subtle, Sawyer.”
Under my breath, I murmured, “It’s better than just staring and stuttering at each other.”
“What?” Cameron looked surprised. Shocked. Maybe a bit confused.
Kurt cleared his throat and took a drink. “What Sawyer meant to say is that we’re expecting a baby in August.”
Monica’s eyes were like ping-pong balls, bouncing around between the three of us. I blurted, “Are there any more breadsticks? They’re amazing.”
“Wait.” Cameron put his hands out. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes. Baby is cooking in the oven. Just like the breadsticks. Timer will go off August twenty-first. Ding.” I took a breadstick and shoved it into my mouth to stem the flow of nonsense.
Beside me Kurt whispered, “Ding?”
With a mouth full of bread, I said, “It was the oven timer. Ding, ding, ding. Baby is ready.” We stared at each other and laughed. “We are so terrible at this.”
“Are you okay with this?” Cameron’s tense voice stopped Kurt’s and my side conversation.
Oh, he’s about to go all big brother bear on the man next to me. My baby needed a daddy. I grabbed Kurt’s hand. “Yes, we’re more than okay with this. It’s unexpected, but we’re happy. And we were back together before we found out.”
“I don’t know if I should kick Kurt’s ass or congratulate him.”
I leaned toward Cameron and whispered, “I would go with congratulating him on the condition that he stops by Vilma’s Bakery and gets me cookies on the way home.”
“You really are happy?” Cameron searched my face the way he had so many times after Mom and Dad had hurt me in some way.
For the first time in a long time, I was able to tell the truth. “Yes. Promise. I was shocked to begin with. Well, we both were. But this baby isn’t an accident, it’s a blessing.” I took a deep breath. “I’m done punishing myself for Mattie’s death. I want and am excited about having this baby.”
Cameron eyes were big. “He knows?”
Cameron and I only ever spoke about Mattie when we were alone. Never in front of other people.
“Yes, he knows everything. I’m tired of only speaking about her in hushed whispers.” It felt cathartic to speak about Mattie openly.
Cameron stood and engulfed me in a hug. “I couldn’t agree more. I love you, Sawyer.”
“Love you, too.” I whispered back.
