“Please can we go back?” Noah says with a whimper.
“I’m sorry, baby,” I say. “I’ll take you to do something fun as soon as I can, okay? But right now, I have to go to work.”
“You always go to wook,” he says, tearfully.
My gaze flicks to the rearview mirror.Wookwhen he means work. Noah’s eyes glimmer with tears, his lower lip folding down in a full-on pout. “I don’t want you to go to wook, I want you to stay. I love you.”
My throat knots. “I love you, too.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Ethan says, rotating toward Noah to give him a fist bump. “We still have the movie later, okay? You’re excited for that, right?”
“Is Mama coming?”
“No, I’m afraid not, bud,” he says. “It’s just you and me this time.”
The knot thickens.
Ethan falls silent for a second and then turns my way. “Look, you know I’m all for your career, but …” He stops mid-sentence. Hills pass by shrouded in mist, the fog growing denser, making it difficult to see. It feels like we’re the only ones on this road—the only ones in the world.
“But what?” I say, prompting him, even though I know his response will be one I don’t want to hear.
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“No, tell me,” I say. “What?”
“It’s … well, sometimes it feels like your job is all that matters to you.”
“Come on, Ethan, you know that’s not true.”
He runs his fingers through his hair and chews on his lip. It’s something he does when he’s thinking about what to say next. “I’m sorry. That was unfair. But you have to find a way to gain some balance, Bay.”
It’s true and I know it. But I’m also running low on sleep and my nerves are completely fried. I don’t have the bandwidth for this discussion at the moment. “Can we talk about this later?”
“Sure,” he says with a nod before turning his attention back to the road.
“Take me back!” Noah says, his tone shrill. “I don’t wanna go home!”
“Noah, please,” I beg, my eyes burning now.
“I want Bear!”
“Bear’s at home,” I reply, trying to hold it together. “You’ll see him soon.”
“It’s just that it never ends, you know?” Ethan says. “There’s always another fire to put out, another emergency. And it’s not good for you. I’m worried about your health.”
“I thought we weren’t doing this right now?”
“I know, but I really think we need to talk about it.”
I tighten my grip on the steering wheel.Thisis the time Ethan picks to have this little spat? Right before I have to walk into a category-ten shit show at work with Bob Sanders swirling at the center? It’s more than I can handle. “Ethan, I told you I don’t have the bandwidth at the moment. Just because you’re ready to talk doesn’t mean I am. You’re being selfish.”
I don’t mean to say it; the word just bubbles out before I can shut my mouth. He looks at me as if stung—his eyes wilting, his forehead collapsing into a series of folds. I want to reach out and grab the word and stuff it back in my mouth.Selfish.He isn’t selfish. He’s anythingbutselfish. He’s always been one to put my needs and Noah’s over his own—and all he really wants is for me to spend more time with them both. Which is something I want, too.
“Take me back,” Noah cries. “Take me back, take me back!”
My eyes return to the mirror. “Noah, you have to stop—”
“Bailey, watch out!”
