Sterling emitted an involuntary groan at the tender contact. She was sweeter and gentler than his wildest imaginings. It was a tragedy above all else that he’d forgotten how petal-soft her lips were…how very sweet she tasted.
Through no small feat of strength, held himself in check, kissing her back with similar tentative gentleness as they learned one another again.
Chills danced across every one of his nerves when she ran her hands along his side to splay against his chest and the pounding heart it barely contained.
His body hardened with painful swiftness at her hesitant touch, the blood fleeing his brain so quickly that it nearly made him blackout. Instead, he clutched his wife more tightly, using her as his anchor in a world that had suddenly been thrown on its side. Every part of him screamed out to have her hands on his bare flesh. He was desperate for her to touch him, to touch her in return.
It had been far, far too long…
Sterling couldn’t resist a gentle pass of his tongue against the seam of her velvet lips. She responded with a sigh, parting them for his exploration. He drank of her deeply—like a man gasping for air after being submerged in stormy waters for far too long—and held the full length of her body tightly to his own. Silently, he marveled at the way they fit when he pressed himself more closely to feel every one of her curves. What he wouldn’t give to have the barrier of their clothing removed so he could finally show her just how much he had thought about her all this time… His body yearned to demonstrate all the ways he’d longed for her, to prove to her, as his words could not, how deeply he had always desired her.
Abruptly, Alaina levered all her weight against Sterling’s chest and shoved him away. He released her without resistance and she stumbled a few dazed steps backward, leaving him standing there bereft and painfully aroused, his chest heaving.
*
It was astudy in futility for Alaina to attempt to slow her pounding heart.
Sterling had kissed her a few times in the past, but those had always been very chaste affairs. What had just transpired had been different.
Very different.
Very exciting…
This particular kiss had involved touching with other parts of their anatomy, teeth, and tongues. This sort of kiss had always seemed decidedly messy and unappetizing in theory; in practice, however, Alaina was shocked to discover how weak her knees had become and how hot her body had grown. It was as if Sterling had fanned banked coals beneath her skin and she was helpless against the rising sparks as they raced through her veins.
Alaina felt as if she was being lured out onto a dangerous precipice and the sensation caused her breath to stall in an approximation of terror. She’d very nearly drowned in Sterling’s heady scent and taste, his overwhelming assault upon her senses…but she’d been saved when her last shred of sanity reminded her that this was the man whose intimate exploits were the juices of theton’s gossip and had been for many years now. His lush behavior and association with some of the most beautiful women the Continent had to offer had consistently poured salt in her wounds, leaving her an oxymoronic virgin wife while he sought solace everywhere but in her arms.
Sterling’s sudden, slow smile only caused Alaina’s ire to rise further. “I doubt,” she practically panted as she snapped, “we will ever be able to present a convincing performance of unity; not when I and the rest of Society know how you’ve spent the last eight years. It was made clear many times over with whom you chose to spend your time, and it certainly was not me.”
“What are you—” her husband began and then his mouth snapped shut when he recognized what she was insinuating. He ran a rough, frustrated hand over his face and back through his burnished chestnut hair. “Surely you cannot be serious?”
Alaina’s jaw clenched as tightly as her fists. It was clear Sterling would not be accepting accountability for anything, and she refused to allow herself to fall victim to his disarmingly handsome face, unjustly kind words, and distracting kisses. She moved to brush past him and storm from the room, but his hand shot out and grabbed her upper arm. His grip was strong but not bruising; he exerted just enough pressure to keep her from leaving.
“It is not what you believe.”
“Then what is it?” she demanded brokenly, certain that he could read the pain in her eyes. “Was the number just an exaggeration? Are a dozen lovers a more realistic figure? What should I believe when so many sources reported nothing but your immoral behavior and your infidelity as you made a mockery of me and of our farce of a marriage?”
Sterling pleaded withhis eyes, doing his best to silently convey his sincerity. His inability to disclose the details of his absence to Alaina was torture. Scouted in his youth for his charm, intelligence, and eventual dukedom, he’d been deemed an asset beneficial to England’s aims on the Continent. He’d proven too useful, and what should only have been twelve months turned into two years, then three, then eight. He ached to tell her so much of what she’d heard had been a lie—carefully planted stories and clever acting to make him seem no more a threat than a dandified womanizer. Somehow, he needed her to understand this without betraying his mission or placing her in unnecessary danger by giving her classified information. Though it had caused him no small amount of guilt, he’d worked endlessly to separate himself from his wife and make her seem less important to him than she was—all to keep her safe. If he’d been discovered, it was not outside the realm of possibility that Alaina might have become a target if it was discovered just how much she mattered to him. He wouldn’t undo all of that now.
It pained him beyond reason that she believed in the rumors of his extensive promiscuity—that she felt he might have wanted those women more than her—but it wouldn’t do much to argue with her other than stoke the flames of her anger. He’d learned as much about his wife in the weeks since his return.
He was more than frustrated by the situation, disgusted with his helplessness to undo the damage his choices and his behavior had caused. He took a deep breath, but it did almost nothing to calm his roiling emotions. The lust he’d experienced with her body pressed against his was quickly being smothered by annoyance at himself—at the situation they were in and the state of their marriage—because of an obligation he’d taken on many years prior, and regret over having caused Alaina such pain.
“It is not what you think because it didn’t happen.” His voice was a low rumble.
Alaina scoffed in reply, but he refused to release her when she tried to leave once more. He held her arm and her gaze for one, two, three heartbeats and then stepped back, freeing her.
“Fine,” Sterling bit off. “If you would rather believe the drivel inThe Prattlerover your husband, then so be it. Why trust me over the hundreds of wagging tongues who’ve nothing better to do than prey upon and exploit the weaknesses of others.” He had a feeling he’d come to regret his next statement, but all rationality had fled him at that point, drained from him by the gaping wound in his heart: “No wonder you don’t wish to accept any of these invitations when you care more for what others believe than my word.”
Alaina said nothing.
Instead, she spun and fled the room.
Chapter Ten
Knowing well hewould tear the place to shambles if he stayed in the house, Sterling tore from the room and bellowed for his valet. He needed to get out of these clothes. He needed to burn off this energy before he did something he regretted…above and beyond the horrendous mistakes he’d already made.
Less than an hour later, Sterling slipped through the back streets of Mayfair with one thing on his mind, and after night fell in full force, he found himself in a dingy Covent Garden alley. His entire day had built up to that moment, every frustration and emotion slathering layer upon layer to his foul mood.
