More importantly, could Alaina go back to a life without her husband?
Chapter Twenty
Alaina left LadyJuliette’s home after plenty of sweets, tea bolstered with a splash of whiskey from Dr. McCullom’s sideboard, and more comforting conversation. She invited Alaina to stay with her if she desired to place some space between herself and her husband, but it was clear Lady Juliette didn’t wholeheartedly support the idea. Promising to consider everything they’d discussed, Alaina returned to Morton House intending to take a long soak in the tub before she made any decisions. Unfortunately, her return home was not without incident.
Her maid, Penny, was among the first to arrive in her rooms to help prepare the bath. Alaina was instantly transported back to the moment when Sterling had admitted to manipulating her staff to obtain information about her. It was mortifying, and she hadn’t felt so alone since the night of her wedding.
Cheeks flushed from embarrassment and anger, she silently allowed Penny to help her undress as the other maids worked in tandem to fill the brass tub in the bathing room with water boiled in the kitchens. Alaina waited until it was just the two of them before finally allowing her pain at the betrayal to seep free.
“Penny…have you ever divulged information about me to anyone? Are you aware of anyone on this staff who is particularly chatty about my habits?”
The maid’s brows furrowed as she shook the wrinkles from Alaina’s gown. “No, Your Grace.”
“Are you certain?” She leveled a stare at Penny.
The maid cast her eyes down and to the side. “It isn’t—that is, it is not uncommon for servants to discuss their employers with one another. It is how we ensure the best work.”
“That is not what I mean…but I think you know that.” The silence that followed was thick and dark. “It would seem that some words about my activities and habits have been released into the world and made their way back to the duke. This is not a new occurrence either. What do you know, Penny?” Alaina demanded flatly, a single tear breaking free and running down her cheek. It was astonishing that she had any tears left to cry.
Penny shook her head and attempted to deny any wrongdoing. The mottled flush on her fair skin, however, gave her away. “I swear to you that I have never reported to His Grace about your life.”
“Then to someone else?”
The flicker in Penny’s glittering eyes told Alaina everything. The maid’s voice quavered as she spoke, “There was one time shortly after your wedding when I was in the kitchens when the spice delivery came. One of the men noticed I was dressed as an upstairs maid and asked after you because some relative of his worked at the church and heard about the grand event. He wanted to know how the new duchess was acclimating, and he was so kind and so handsome…and I thought nothing of it. I swear that was the only time I’ve ever spoken of you to anyone.”
“I never thought you, of all people, would do that. You were there for me when—” Alaina’s words died on a sob, and she covered her mouth with the back of her shaking hand.
Faced with Alaina’s obvious struggle, the maid’s guilt was released in a great rush of garbled words and tears. Penny fell to her knees and cried unabashedly. “Please forgive me, Your Grace. I—I said only that your husband was a cold man who quit the country without explanation, but I did not doubt that you would recover. I revealed nothing more, I swear it. I am not the one who gabs at the market or barters tidbits of gossip for better deals.”
It was becoming clear just how naïve Alaina had been. Her staff had presented a united front against Sterling’s intrusion into their household, but that didn’t translate to the kinship they felt amongst people of their own class. Her mother had always taught her that all staff gossiped amongst themselves, and she’d been an imbecile to believe otherwise, blinded by the support they’d all provided her in the early, solitary days of their marriage. In sending in his spies, Sterling had successfully found a way into her life. She felt betrayed, but to place the blame solely on her staff’s shoulders was unfair. She doubted they would have reported back to Sterling if they’d known him to be behind the questions.
“Please, please do not sack me,” Penny begged in a quavering voice.
Alaina heard the words, but her pain was too much to allow her to accept Penny’s pleas and apologies at that moment. She needed a little space and time. “Please,” Alaina said tremulously. “Leave me. I will bathe alone and dress myself for bed. We will speak in the morning.”
Her stomach was too queasy to contemplate food, her heart too heavy to consider facing anyone else that day. Despite her instructions to the contrary, a plate of food was delivered to her rooms. It sat untouched and congealed beneath its silver dome.
Instead, Alaina curled up on the window seat of her bedchamber, staring at the dark seam of the door adjoining her chambers to Sterling’s. Maxwell had informed her upon her return to Moton House that the duke had left shortly after their argument. It appeared he was still out.
And so, too agonized to sleep, Alaina there she sat for hours until, suddenly, there was a light.
She’d been momentarily startled by the golden glow, but what really made her heart pound was the quick, rhythmic sound of Sterling pacing like a caged animal, the smack of fabric as he ripped off his coat and threw it at the ground.
Alaina glared at the door, hot tears pricking the backs of her eyes all over again. How could he? How could the man marry her and then leave her? How could he spy on her and then blame her for keeping secrets? How could he think so little of her?
Not for the first time, the nasty thought that—had Sterling not been so selfish—she could have been free to marry another; she might already have a family by now. But then…
Then she wouldn’t beherself.
She’d spent so many years learning how to break free of the box of obedient wifehood her family had built for her and then Society had reinforced. She’d likely still be trapped there if she’d had a husband watching over her shoulder. Part of her might hate Sterling, but she also hated that, at the heart of it, there was something noble about the reason her husband had left. Of course, he’d gone about it all wrong, but he had been young and foolish. Stupid man. He’d wanted a life with her, but he’d also recognized duty and commitment to the greater good. It was begrudgingly admirable. And, honestly, he had tried quite hard to make things right since his return.
Against her better judgment, Alaina padded to the door and opened it slowly, fully prepared to slam it shut if something heavier than a waistcoat was chucked in her direction.
Sterling whipped around at the sound of the door. His chestnut hair was remarkably disheveled, there were bags beneath his striking eyes and lines bracketed his mouth, his cravat was half-undone, and his cuffs hung loose. A brief moment of tenderness and relief flickered across his face before he hid it, and it struck her like the first licks of fire on a January night; it stole her breath and then made her heart race with wonder and life.
He straightened his shoulders and executed a futile effort to smooth his hair. His movements lacked all their usual grace. She was unused to seeing him in such disarray…
Their argument must have affected him tremendously.
