Setting aside her anger and pain and frustration, Alaina approached Sterling where he slouched, dejected. She knelt between his knees and took his hands in hers. They were surprisingly cold.
It finally sank in for her how his time on the Continent hadn’t been as carefree or as easy as she and everyone else had been led to believe. It had been eight years of hiding who he was, of wearing a mask and behaving as he was expected to, of being separated from the woman with whom he’d thought he’d share a life. She’d never considered how draining that might be—especially for that amount of time. With her, he’d found solace and freedom he’d not known in so long. Who was she to deny him when his greatest offenses were trying to protect her from the potentially dangerous truth, misguided nobility, and doing what he could to look out for her when he was away? He’d been furious when he thought she’d continued keeping secrets from him, but hadn’t she done the same with him?
If she were brutally honest with herself, Alaina had a difficult time imagining Sterling out of her life once more…and it terrified her. Despite her resistance, they had grown accustomed to each other. He’d eventually worked his way into her life with his sweet presence and surprising attentiveness. She wasn’t just afraid of being alone again, she feared losinghim.
They’d each made their share of mistakes and hurt one another, but they’d also done their best to work through it. The road had been rocky, but what Juliette had told her rang in her ears: love wasn’t always rational or sane, it made level-headed individuals lose control. Maybe it was her turn again to be a little bit insane.
“What if I do not want you to go?”
Sterling suddenly lifted his head from where he’d been examining their interwoven hands. “What?” he rasped.
“What if,” she repeated softly, self-consciously; “I do not want you to go?”
“Why wouldn’t you want me to leave?” he asked, his hands tightening on hers until their knuckles blanched. “I left you without explanation and then returned to disrupt your life. I accused you of keeping secrets without giving you a chance to explain—”
“And why shouldn’t I want you to stay?” She frowned at him. “Granted, you haven’t made the best decisions—especially when it comes to our marriage—but, at the heart of it all, you are brave and caring. You apologized and showed remorse. You told me you loved me. You were willing to sacrifice your own happiness and safety to leave the country to give me my space. I cannot conceive of any solid reasons why you shouldn’t stay. As far as I’m concerned, you are a hero, and you’ve dedicated enough of your life to the service of the Crown…it’s time to let someone else do it. We’ve lost enough time as it is.”
The slack expression on her husband’s face was blatant evidence of his disbelief. “Are you certain?” he murmured as if barely daring to hope. Her thumb caressed his large knuckle.
“Not that long ago, you swore to me that you would never leave me again. I fear I shall never forgive you if you break that vow. A woman has only so much she can tolerate.” She paused for effect. “I have faith that we can make this marriage work…so long as you do not expect me to be an obedient wife…” A wicked smile tugged at her lips. “Or dictate my reading materials.”
He stood abruptly, tugging her with him and into his arms. He pressed his mouth to hers, kissing her deeply, holding onto her as if she’d saved his life.
Sterling clutched Alainato him, brimming with joy and relief so fulfilling it nearly choked him. He ran his hands over her, committing every delectable curve and hollow to memory. But, if he had any say in the matter, he’d never leave her side again and would never need to revisit this horrific day.
He fisted the fabric of her nightshift in his hands and created just enough space between their lips to ask if he could remove her clothing.
To his utter delight, Alaina’s response was to step back and rip the garment up over her head. He barely had time to appreciate the curve of her hips, the perfect globes of her breasts before her hands began to make quick work of what was left of his cravat and shirt.
Together, they fell back to the bed, a tangle of limbs and desire. Sterling leaned back, his gaze tracing every angle of her face.
“I love you, Alaina,” he breathed. “Not a day has gone by where I haven’t wished I’d never left you…and it’ll be the greatest regret of my life.”
Alaina surprised him by rolling him onto his back to straddle his hips. The warmth of her sweet core hovering only inches away from his groin was an intense sort of torture, but he’d have given anything to never have it stop. He would have spoken again, but she silenced him with a finger pressed to his lips and, instead, he settled for kissing the pad of her finger.
“We must agree that we cannot regret the past; it will only be a waste of the time we do have.” She leaned forward, her erect nipples grazing his chest exquisitely, making him hiss a breath through his teeth. “For now, you can go on apologizing, or we can start fresh and set about learning more about one another.” Her eyes locked onto his. “And I can show you how much I love you, too.” Sterling’s breath broke and it was a solid minute before he could speak.
She loved him.
All the years, all the mistakes, all the struggles suddenly melted away. It was just the two of them together, prepared to start anew and begin the life they should have had all this time. And they would do it with love.
“Speaking of learning more about one another…” He rolled Alaina beneath him and brushed her golden hair back from her face. “I’ve heard a rumor that you read some rather naughty books in that society of yours…and I’m dying to see what you’ve learned.”
She flushed instantly, laughing as she wound her arms around Sterling’s neck, and he kissed her with all the love he possessed.
Epilogue
Sterling cradled hisinfant son in his arms with infinite care. All the while, the squalling babe screamed as loudly as his lungs would allow. Employing a combination of bouncing and rocking, Sterling grumbled, “You’ve clearly inherited your mother’s lungs.”
“I take offense to that,” came a woman’s voice from the doorway.
Sterling turned to find Alaina standing in the doorway between the ducal bedchamber and the adjoining room she’d once occupied before it had been converted into a nursery. Gone was the duchess’s furniture, replaced by a bassinet and lace curtains, swaddling clothes, and other items deemed vitally important to raise a child.
True to form, Alaina had eschewed convention for women of her superior rank and insisted that they forgo a night wet nurse. She claimed she’d waited too long to become a mother to simply hand the child over each time he needed feeding, and she was just as capable as any other woman of functioning on little sleep in those early weeks and months of motherhood.
And, as with many things in the year following his return, Sterling had made the concession and deferred to Alaina’s wishes.
Now, however, he was questioning the wisdom of it.
