Ellie delves into her bag and offers me a paper hanky and Itake it gratefully.
‘I hate to leave you like this,’ she says, going to thewindow and peering out. ‘But I need to get those girls back for their tea, orJessica’s mum will be arriving to collect her and she won’t be fed.’
I get up and join her at the window. ‘Yes, you need to go.’I smile, watching the girls whizzing along on their brightly coloured scooters.‘What’s on the menu for Maisie and her little guest? Something easy, I hope?’
‘Pizza. I know it’s a cop-out but I tried the healthy optiononce – a lovely homemade spinach and ricotta cannelloni – and I ended up havingto shove chicken dippers and chips in the oven instead. Maisie would have eatenit but Jessica refused point-blank. She announced very politely that last timeshe had green things in food she was sick all over the carpet, and I couldn’texactly argue with that.’ She grins at the memory. ‘At least with pizza, youknow there’ll be no complaints.’
I wave them off at the window and retreat to the sofa, stillfeeling wobbly.
I didn’t have the strength to talk about it. But it’s acomfort to know I can confide in Ellie when I’m ready...
CHAPTERNINE
After her disastrous birthday dinner with Darren,Rachel seemed keen to let me know that she thought she’d overreacted, gettingso upset that night.
Seeing Darren driving off to work a few days later, I wentover to see her, to make sure she was all right. She greeted me with a smile andwe sat in the kitchen, chatting.
‘Darren’s been under a lot of pressure at work,’ she toldme, pouring me coffee from a cafetiere. ‘Redundancies. No wonder he wasn’t...at his best that night.’
‘But it was your birthday.’
‘I know. But he did try, booking such a gorgeous restaurant.I should have been more understanding, rather than trying to jolly him out ofhis mood. That was my fault for being insensitive. And I suppose I was shockedby his moodiness because things had been great between us up till then.’ Sheshrugged matter-of-factly. ‘What happened was the reality check I needed. Relationshipscan’t always be rosy. I mean, our views on parenting aren’t exactly similar –we sometimes argue about it – but that just means we need to work at finding acompromise.’
‘How are you different?’
‘Well, Darren believes children need strict rules andguidelines, with firm consequences if they’re naughty, while I’m quitelaid-back, as you know. But I honestly think Poppy is benefiting from having aman’s influence in her life. I think Darren and I can learn a lot from oneanother.’
I nodded, not certain I altogether liked the idea ofDarren’s ‘strict rules’ and ‘consequences’ but determined not to interfere. Istill pined a little for ‘the old days’ when it was just me, Rachel and Poppyat weekends. But I told myself the new set-up was probably for the best.
The routine we’d slipped into – before Darren arrived – wascosy, like a favourite pair of slippers, but perhaps it was time I startedgetting out myself... meeting someone new, even, and enjoyinga little romance of my own?
And one of the really lovely benefits of Rachel’srelationship with Darren was that I got to spend more time with Poppy.
Darren liked to socialise and they usually went out on a Fridaynight, as well as one night during the week. I started working from homeoccasionally so that I could have Poppy to stay and take her to school thefollowing morning, and we got into a lovely little routine: homemade pizza fortea, with Poppy adding her favourite toppings, bath and then snuggled up on thesofa for her movie of choice, before tucking her up with a bedtime story or two.In the morning, she’d come running into my room and bounce on the bed, wideawake and all excited about the pancakes we’d be making for breakfast. And eventhough it was often horribly early, I really didn’t mind.
‘Don’t worry, Auntie Enzie. I’ll watch TV till you’reawake.’ She’d bound off with her apparently limitless energy, and I’d snuggledown again, smiling, drifting off to the sound of a children’s TV programmedownstairs. Would it be chocolate spread on her pancakes this morning or bananaand golden syrup, her ‘next best favourite’?
I loved our routine and I think Poppy did, too.
I always told Rachel that Poppy was no bother at all, whichwas true. And Rachel always laughed and said it was different being a part-timeparent.
‘You’re sort of like the grandparent,’ she explained oncewith a grin ‘You have all the joy of being with Poppy, this little whirlwindbursting through your week, but then you hand her back and you’ve got a chanceto relax and recuperate, ready for the next time.’ She shrugged. ‘All the funbut none of the responsibility. And it’s ahugeresponsibility, believeme. Think twice before you have kids, Kenzie. They might be adorable, but theycramp your style like nobody’s business.’ She was laughing when she said it,but there was something harsh in her tone that made me uneasy. It sounded morelike Darren’s opinion to me.
Yes, Poppy was an active kid but she was very rarelydemanding. Being an only child, I suppose she was used to amusing herself and Ihonestly never found her tiring. But then, as Rachel said, I had none of theresponsibility of being her mum, and that was bound to feel different. It couldbe tough bringing up a child on your own. And of course the fact that Rachelwas newly in love meant she’d naturally want to spend every spare minute withDarren.
But I feared that Darren was exerting too much of aninfluence on Rachel, and I worried it would affect the close bond betweenmother and daughter. Was Poppy being pushed out a little? Was she a casualty oftwo people getting to know each other and wanting to spend lots of adult timetogether?
Poppy herself seemed fine with the arrangement, though, andI made sure I gave her all my attention when she was over at my house – notspoiling her (well, trying not to) but spending all my time with her, chattingabout school, baking her favourite chocolate chip cookies, and inventing sillygames on the spur of the moment, which she loved.
And Darren was generous with his surprise gifts. Poppy was particularlyenamoured with a doll he bought her. She called her Jemima and spent many happyhours arranging her blonde hair in different styles.
Life trundled on like this for a while. I enjoyed my timewith Poppy, but I missed Rachel. We never seemed to have any time to chatanymore, just the two of us, although I hoped that eventually, when thelovey-dovey romance phase waned a little, as it normally did in my experience,we’d get back to spending more time together.
I wished I could get to know Darren better. But after thatfirst dinner, any time I was invited over again by Rachel, there always seemedto be a reason why we had to take a rain check. Rachel had a headache, theywere getting a wooden floor in the kitchen and everything was a mess, Darren hada headache...
Six months into their relationship, he moved in with Rachel,but I still felt I didn’t really know him. I invited them over for lunch oneSaturday, after Poppy had stayed at mine on the Friday night as usual, but Rachelphoned in the morning to say Darren had worked till late the night before andwanted a lazy day at home.
I told her I’d bring Poppy along. But surprisingly, Darren wasn’tthere when we arrived and when I asked where he was, Rachel seemed a bitevasive. I hadn’t seen her for a week or so, and I was shocked by how pale andfragile she seemed. She said she thought she must be sickening for something. Butwhen I offered to have Poppy a little while longer, so she could rest, sheshook her head and assured me she was fine.
