“You actually go to class tomorrow.”
I freeze, she’s not wrong, I’ve been physically here but not really here, not in my classes, not in my routine. I’ve been in limbo, lost.
“You’re at school, Gen,” she says gently. “But you’re not doing school. I know it’s hard and I know it’s not your favorite thing in the world, but just try, for me. Mostly for yourself.”
Damn. Way to hit home, Lana.
“I don’t mean to overstep,” she adds. “I just care.”
I sit there in the quiet for a moment, her words settling into me like warmth after cold.
“You’re right,” I say. “Tomorrow I’ll go. I’ll see what I can do to catch up. Thank you for not letting me disappear, even when I wanted to. I think I’m ready to show up now, for me.”
And for the first time, I mean it. I want to try.
“Good. I love you. See you tomorrow.”
“Love you too,” I say, and hang up.
Who knew a single day in California could change so much?
I reconnected with my dad. My brother came out to me. I felt something real with my family again—something I didn’t realize I missed until it came rushing back in.
And Aspen… I have a new outlook on him too. I believe he can change, I think he’s trying to.
But before I message him, I have to show up for myself. I need to prove that I can stand on my own two feet again, that I haven’t given up. Not just for Aspen, for me.
Tomorrow I won’t just go through the motions, I’ll show up for myself first, and everything else will follow.
Tomorrow, Genevieve Brown is going to school.
And this time, she’s going for real.
40
Aspen
Not a second has passed where I haven’t thought about Genevieve, but it’s finally time to go home and all I want to do is sleep so I don’t have to be awake in this world without her.
When I unlock the front door to my apartment I’m totally startled by Derek. I forgot he was coming home today.
“You look like shit,” he tells me straight up instead of saying hi.
“Gee thanks, nice to see you too,” I tell him.
“No seriously, are you okay?” He asks. Then I notice most of his stuff is packed in bags.
“No, but what the fuck is going on?” I ask him, directing towards his things.
“Yeah so my old man isn’t doing too well and I’m gonna move back home for a bit to help out with things,” he says as my heart begins to sink.
“I’m sorry bro, I’ll pay next month's rent, but I can’t be over here knowing what’s going on you know,” he says.
“Look man, I get it. You do what you have to do, I’ll be here waiting for you when you come back,” I tell him.
As much as it pains me that he’s leaving, especially so suddenly, I have to be a good friend and support him, because I know he would do the same for me.
“Thanks man, I’m gonna miss you,” he says while coming in for a hug. This is probably the tightest hug we’ve ever given eachother. I feel like now should be the time I come clean with him. If I don’t now, I don’t think I ever will.
