***
Fuckers!The look on their faces was everything! They were so scared that they probably would have taken my classes for me. No one can touch me at this school; I own this place.
I look down at my shoes as I walk away from the office towards my dorm and remember my first time seeing them, knowing they'd give me the confidence for this meeting.
I changed my major to business administration. Isn’t that what everyone does when they don’t know what they want to do? It’s an easy route and it'll keep my sanity, and my parents happy, for now.
What I really want to study is fashion, but the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York got a new director, and not even my father’s money could get the administration to start it up again. I would’ve started with that initially, instead of pre-med. My brothers did the same.
I’ll have to stick to doing sketches alone for now.
My mother didn’t want to buy my way into college and have me flunk out. If her friends found out she bought her daughter into college, she would be mortified and I would never hear the end of it. So I went to the only school that accepted me and my mom decided I’d go to medical school to follow in the footsteps of my brothers.
It took one chemistry class to tell me what I already knew.
I hate science.
So I changed to psychology without telling her. I figured she would be more forgiving once she found out I switched if I was in a respectable major, but I hated the thought of listening to other people’s problems. So, three months and another switch later, here we are.
Business admin.
I just can’t tell my mom. She’d flip harder than a Real Housewife at a reunion show.
Living in New York has made her always feel like she needs to maintain some sort of image. It's always been extremely annoying because not only does my mom need to create a perfect image for herself, her family had to follow suit. Even when my parents went through their divorce, my mom made sure to never bat an eye when someone was watching or brought it up so that the entire situation was all hush, hush. It didn't matter if I was struggling with the life-change, I pasted a smile on from ear-to-ear.
Nebraska was a huge change from New York, but in all honesty, Nebraska has been good to me. I love it here, even though sometimes I feel stifled by it’s brevity. Everyone knows everyone, but I don’t always want everyone to know me, even if it's not the real me.
The main thing I love about small towns is it feels like a family.
Especially when I’ve never really had a close family. But sometimes the smallness gets to me and I remember where I’m from.
The city of dreams.
I walk back to my dorm across campus, plotting how to get away from this place. How much does my time here at this school really matter?
Not much, I decide, taking a sharp inhale of the crisp fall air. I love everything about the season. It’s Mother Nature’s way of showing us new beginnings, that it’s okay to change, and that change is beautiful.
It’s time for a change of pace. Fall break starts tomorrow and maybe I can convince Lana to take a trip with me for a few days.
People sip out of paper coffee cups as they walk to class.
Pumpkin spiced lattes, judging by the sweet spiciness lingering in the air. If I liked coffee I’d probably join in on the trend, but I’ve always preferred tea- too bad they don’t have pumpkin spiced teas atStarbucks.
And none of that chai bullshit, a real herbal, pumpkin spiced tea.
A squirrel runs by me, followed by another. Everything about fall is gorgeous.
Wind scatters red, yellow, and orange leaves across campus, sending a chill down my legs as I walk. I zip up my leather jacket to hide my nipples, hard from the cold and poking through my sheer t-shirt. The jacket isn’t warm, it’s just for looks, but at least if I zip up it will cover my nips. The rustle of leaves creates a mellifluous hush. Fall outfits are my favorite. There’s nothing better than leather jackets with matching boots. Mine have a tiny heel that makes me feel extra tall and graceful.
The wind does me dirty—lifting my plaid skirt like we’re in some budget Marilyn Monroe remake. And of course, I’m not wearing Spanx; becausefashion.A man whistles in the distance and now I can add a few more tallies to men on this campus who have seen my ass.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
In New York, the sidewalks are the runway. On campus, the sidewalks are people’s front yards and everyone around here lives in sweatpants and flannels. I’ve driven by elementary schools where parents pick up their kids in pajamas.
That was a new one for me.
It’s a shame the fashion here in Nebraska is nonexistent. I’ve always wanted to become a fashion designer or a model, but here, that isn’t really an option. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. My mother wouldn’t support it.
