I won’t.
He takes too long to reply so instead of waiting any longer, I toss the vile in his lap and exit the balcony, heading into the apartment.
Maybe it’s not his. Maybe it’s old. Maybe it’s…
No. Stop.
I know what this is, and I know what it means.
I go into the room and without giving it much thought, I begin to pack my bags. I won’t stay in the house of someone who does cocaine. Aspen followed after me and is now speaking to me, but I don’t hear him. My thoughts are louder than his voice and all they’re doing is telling me to get the fuck out of his life. I should have seen the red flags. How did I not?
I always thought I could spot the signs. I had front-row seats to the fallout.
And yet here I am again. Falling for the same kind of ghost.
I feel like such an idiot. It all makes sense now. That’s why he barely eats. That’s why his nose was bloody that one night we were having sex and it dripped on me. That’s why everything!
I stop packing for a second to think about what’s really happening. Tears cloud my vision and Aspen is in front of me looking like a blur. Maybe that’s what he is now.
A blur in my past. And I’m the idiot who thought he was my future.
We literally told each other we loved each other last night. Was that all for nothing? Was I so stupid and blind? Am I like my mother? Too naive to notice such disgusting habits. He was just playing me the whole time, but it ends here. He will not play Genevieve Brown any more!
I continue to ignore Aspen’s words. I can only assume he’s begging for me to stay, for a second chance, anything, but I won’t give it to him. No.
I’m leaving.
My dad did this to my mom and I won’t relive the same heartache. My mom was in love with my father. They lived a perfect romance novel, until my dad encountered the drug. With that he became a totally different person. He stopped eating, sleeping… loving us.
I found him one night cheating on my mom with someone who looked my age. My mom was on a girls trip in Barbados. The house smelled like liquor and bad decisions and the coffee table was covered in coke. I found her fucking him on the couch and I will never get that vision out of my mind. By the time I left he didn’t even bother chasing after me. He never even apologized for what he did; for cheating on my mom. For breaking our family. He thought I was spending the night with a friend. I guess he didn’t know me well enough to know I didn’t have any. I was just out, hanging with one of my brothers and then decided to go home. Sometimes I wish I never did so I wouldn’t have seen that, but the other part of me is so glad I did so I could tell my mom.
I hate his guts.
And right now, I hate Aspen’s too.
I zip up my bag and throw my coat on. I leave on the pj’s I was wearing because I don’t want to be here another second. I try to get out of here as fast as I can. I haul my luggage over to my car and throw it in the back seat.
Aspen follows me outside too as if he could possibly change my mind. I get into the driver’s side and am about to close the door when Aspen gets in the way.
“Genevieve, please. Let me explain!” He says frantically. He sounds frustrated and confused and I can’t help but feel the same way. But it still doesn’t make me care about how he feels.
“There is nothing to explain. Goodbye, Aspen,” I say, then I shut the car door creating a barricade between us.
I pull out of the parking lot, my hands trembling against the wheel. As I shift into drive, I tell myself not to look back. I shouldn't, but then I shift the gear into drive and I make one last look toward Aspen’s direction. I wish I didn’t, but I couldn’t help myself. My eyes find Aspen’s, and for the first time since I met him, there’s no warmth, no comfort, only disappointment, only heartbreak. The eyes that once felt like home now feel like a place I can never return to, and I think he knows it too.
My chest tightens as I press the gas, as the distance between us stretches wider and wider. I watch him in my rearview mirror, his figure shrinking, blurring, until he’s nothing but a shadow, then suddenly he’s gone.
And just like that, I leave half of my heart behind in Colorado.
With my eyes glued to the road, tears sting, burning at the edges, threatening to spill. I blink hard, willing them away, but the past crashes into me like a wave I can't outrun.
The night I found my dad cheating on my mom.
It was my sophomore year of high school. My mom was on a girls trip, and my dad was in a dry spell, he hadn’t booked a film in months. I couldn’t help but think he was jealous of her success. My mom had a steady job with a steady income. It was the only explanation that made sense, the only thing that could justify the way he drowned his frustration in drugs and women.
I was close with my brothers, so sometimes I’d go over on the weekends to spend the night. I told my dad I was heading over and, for once, he didn’t argue. I drove over after one of my volleyball games, exhausted, but relieved to get away for a bit. But when I arrived, the house was empty.
I shrugged it off, took a shower in the guest bathroom downstairs, and tried to settle into the quiet. But when I came up,dressed and ready to head back up, I found Adam in the living room—with a guy.
