She was the youngest.She was struggling with this the most.And yet, she had reclaimed a piece of herself because she’d done something proactive, so she wouldn’t be a victim.What the hell was I doing besides trying to forget?
Some part of me wanted to just say out loud what had happened to me.All of it.Not just about the house but about those road trips.But my sisters didn’t need that in their heads.They had plenty of their own horrors to deal with.
Vera already felt guilty for not protecting us.If she knew about the road trips, she’d never forgive herself, even though she was as much a victim as Ljuba and I.
I could tell Nick.I had started, so maybe I should tell him everything else.Even though I couldn’t give him all the names, I could give him some information.Maybe we could even find that building, if we took a...
No, that would require us driving, and I couldn’t.I just couldn’t.
Vera sat rigid at the other end of the futon, legs crossed, arms folded, as if she were watching a documentary on fertilizer production.I sprawled across the floor, head propped on a throw pillow, feet up on the coffee table, doing my best impression of someone utterly relaxed.
Every time the TV volume dipped, Vera would fill the silence with nutrition tips, or a story about her hospital, or a casual, “So, what are your plans for the week, Nadya?”I’d deflect every question with a joke or by pointing at the screen and saying, “Can you believe this animation budget?”
We made it an hour before the movie turned into background noise, and I started scrolling through my phone, pretending to look at memes but really just using it to block out the world.
“Do you think I should change my number?”Ljuba asked suddenly, so sharp it made Vera blink.
I looked up.“Why?”
Ljuba hugged her knees tighter.“George had it.I mean, he won’t be calling me from a prison cell but...”She trailed off.
“Change it,” I said without a second thought.
The times she had gotten calls, ignored them, then would start acting weird flashed through my mind.He might’ve been arrested, but Nick was right; George hadn’t tried to kidnap Ljuba for himself.Other people were involved, and she didn’t need to deal with them.
I felt the familiar itch at my wrist, scratched the blue stars until it stung.
I didn’t want Ljuba’s mind lingering on it, though, so I quickly followed it up with, “Here’s what we do.You give me your old phone, and if anyone calls, I’ll tell them you died in a tragic fudge-related accident.It’s like witness protection but sweeter.”
It was a terrible joke, but Ljuba actually smiled, a real one, if only for a second.Vera looked at me like she wanted to staple my mouth shut, but I could see the edges of her own grin trying to betray her.
“We could throw a fake funeral,” Ljuba said, picking up my bit.“Invite all the worst people from high school.Make it a party.”
Vera shook her head.“You two are insane.”
“And you love it,” I said, tipping my wine glass toward her.
We made it through the rest of the movie without incident.When the credits rolled, Vera got up to pack away the leftovers, even the stuff we’d never eat.I could see her hands shaking a little, and that scared me more than anything.She was our rock.If even she could crumble, then what chance did I have?
An image of Vera bruised and bleeding flashed through my mind.Our adoptive mother hated us, thinking we were trying to steal her husband’s attention.Which like...first of, how could we steal something she never had?Pretty sure he only married her to make himself look normal.Second, no thank you.She could keep the creep.
But that day, the bitch had realized that Vera had skipped her period, so she did her worst to cause a miscarriage.
So, yeah, Vera had plenty of her own ghosts that would make her hands tremble, but she always looked so strong.Guess she’d been pretending so she’d be able to take care of us.
I picked at the paint on my thumbnail, working it loose.We all took care of each other in our own way.This time, I was the one who could take care of Ljuba, even if it wasn't in the same way as Vera would.
Maybe Nick had a point about writing everything down instead of talking about it.However I went about it, I had to do it.I had to give him everything I knew so Ljuba and others like her would never get hurt by those people.
