“No, there isn’t.For me, it was more like a guide to life, you know?Like, why am I reacting to a certain situation the way I am, and can I do better?”
Again, she dismissed it.“I think I figured out my life.”
I didn’t push it again.This wasn’t something that could be forced.
Even after I’d started therapy, it had taken me over a year to talk about my baby sister.Until then, I kept insisting that the only nightmares I had were what I had seen in the military.So, yeah, I got it, even if I knew she’d benefit from it.
I’d bring it up again after a while and see if anything changed.Although, it did make me wonder if that one therapist was licensed and what her education was.Or had it been one of those online counseling scams?
Chapter 14
Nadya
NICK GUNNED THE ENGINEand took the first exit onto the highway while I wrapped my arms around his waist and hung on for dear life.His jacket smelled like motor oil and fresh basil, as if he’d kept a potted herb in his duffel for emergencies.I buried my face between his shoulder blades, watching the world unspool in blurred fields, and tried not to think about anything.
Except I thought about everything.About how I’d woken up that morning with his hand splayed across my stomach, his chin on the top of my head, and our legs tangled.For just a moment, I had become that helpless kid again, flattened by hands twice as big, breathing in sweat and smoke.It took me three very long seconds to convince myself I was safe.
I’d been with plenty of men before, and sometimes they wanted to cuddle, but it never, ever made me want to cry and throw up at the same time.It’s the sleeping part that had tripped me up.When my brain was fully awake, I had an easier time knowing what was real and what wasn’t, which was exactly why I only ever had one-night stands and never stayed the night.
Now, I was here, clinging to Nick’s back, heartbeat going a hundred miles a minute and not just because of the motorcycle.
Ever since that night with Nick, he had been my secret wish.I wanted someone who’d make me feel like Nick had, and I wanted to keep him instead of walking away.But dreams weren’t real.No one as good as Nick would want to stick around and deal with all my baggage.
Nick deserved something easier, someone who didn’t wake up in a cold sweat or treat simple affection like a grenade with the pin already out.
By the time we reached the sign for the town I hated with all my heart, my hands had gone numb.The country road gave way to a main street so flat and empty it could’ve been the set for a remake of every small-town horror film.Nick slowed as we coasted into what passed for the center: a handful of old storefronts, some warped plywood on empty windows, a sun-bleached flag.In the distance, a church steeple cut through one and two-storey houses, but the rest of the town seemed determined to avoid attention.
Nick killed the engine and set the kickstand, then waited until I pried my arms off him and wobbled off the back like I’d never had working legs in my life.I yanked off the helmet, shook out my hair, and tried to look like the kind of woman who didn’t almost break down on the highway for no reason.
“Nice driving,” I said.
Nick grinned.“You did good.Didn’t even try to kill me with your knees once.”
“I was holding out for a scenic overlook.”
He pulled off his helmet and raked a hand through his now messy hair, eyes scanning the main drag.“Any idea what direction we should be headed?”
